I sit here this morning, surrounded by notes, spreadsheets, black dogs and a bottle of antacids.

I realized about 30 minutes ago that in one month, I shall be 39.

If you read nothing more than the following sentence, you will understand my mood this morning. Being a grown up sucks.

I realized yesterday, after a difficult battle with the Craptastical Life Budget, that a summer vacation in Michigan is not really in the cards. Correction, my plan to spend a month in a cottage on a lake, with the dog Jeffersons is not in the cards. I will head home for a few minutes this summer, but not quite in the way I had fantasized about doing.

I came to the butt clenching realization yesterday that my long overdue, much needed surgery on my ears, nose and sinuses is going to cost me a fortune and therefore, I shouldn’t plan a big ass vacation and still expect to be able to do the things I need to do in the house.

Speaking of the house, I finally took down the final “holiday” tree and have a big gaping hole of boring in my primary living area.

I also walked around the house yesterday updating the list of house shit that must be done in order for me to tolerate living here. Cork floor in the kitchen (btw, cork floors in the kitchen is the stupidest thing ever) must be ripped up. The mother trucking hole in the ceiling of my bedroom MUST be gone by the time I have my face surgically attacked on St. Patricks day.  All doors need to be touched up. It’s amazing to me that I could ignore things for a year or so, and suddenly become Rainman like obsessed with improvements.

My jeans are suffocating me. There has to be an adjustment of calories consumed, calories burned and for the love of all that is good and holy, PUT DOWN THE DIPS.

Put another way, I woke up this morning and realized that I need to attend to the order of grown up living, and eschew the fantasy that I am still 21 years old playing in Northern Michigan for the summer.

To put a positive spin on things: Professionally, things are looking up. My checkbook doesn’t look like someone bled out a pig all over the register. All of the bills for the month of February are paid before the middle of the month, despite a wild internet shopping ride earlier last week.

It’s time to get it together Craptastic Girl. It’s time to prioritize, budget, make a list, and get things done. Eat an apple instead of queso. Go for a walk instead of playing Candy Crush. Work smarter, not ADD crazy psycho me. Make a plan to finish up the Volunteer year, execute that plan and transition to the incoming person. Take 10 minutes and send out a few thank you cards to people that make your life more awesome.

This is the one life that I get. I am an adult, there is no denying it. It’s time to move and do and be legendary. Ok, I might have been watching an episode of How I Met Your Mother this morning and I’ve got Barney Stinson on the brain.

Bottom line… being a grown up isn’t easy, but frankly, despite the traumatic every day moments (paying taxes, prepping for Income Taxes, soliciting work, etc), I’d rather be where I am today than where I was 10 years ago.

Honestly, I can’t wait to jump into my 39th year. I think this is the year where I’m going to expertly execute a Triple Sow Cow Adult Toe Pick.

As you were.