As I lay so ever delicately in bed, coughing up a lung, I am using my imagination to figure out the places I want to go check out in 2017. I present to you, with little ado, my “2017 Travel Bucket List.”
Greetings from the bedroom on Lavender Lane on this fine first day of 2017.
I can say with almost complete certainty that 2016 was an absolute #shitshow.
While I was on the treadmill this morning, I started thinking about blog topics for the week. I probably should have been paying more attention to my own ass on the treadmill. Side note, in an effort to “up” my pace, I took my speed to 4.5mph… Within 2 seconds, I took a weird step, and literally went backwards off the treadmill. Yes, I did the idiot move and slid off the treadmill. To find a little humor in the situation, I totally Mary Katherine Gallagher’ed in up… I will give the sweet guy next to me some credit for not busting a total side laughing at me. Instead, he side eyed me and said “you ok?”
Which brings me to this blog topic today- the Alphabet Blog. Every now and then, I’m going to work through the alphabet and throw a “theme” out there. Today is brought to you by the letter A. You know A for Awesome.
Over the years, my “awesomeness” has taken on a Barney Stinson “legendary” like quality. And by awesome, I mean, incredibly clutzy, uncoordinated, awkward awesomeness.
My path to awesomeness probably started when I was 3 years old, wearing brand new saddle shoes, and I broke my arm walking on the floor. Yep, didn’t trip, didn’t run. Just walked, fell and broke an arm.
I’ve hurt myself so many times over the year out of sheer idiocracy, that I barely notice any longer. Did I ever tell y’all about the time that I cracked my head open on a tampon machine? Yep, in high school, while on a debate (or forensics) weekend, I was in the ladies bathroom, hiking up my tights, and i blasted my head on the nasty tampon machine. I don’t remember if stitches were necessary, but the sheer mortification of the incident lives on and on. And on.
During my younger years in Austin, a night wouldn’t be complete if I didn’t bust my ass at least one time per night. Sometimes, the damn cracks on the street would attack me. Other times, I would fall off bar stools. One of my favorite moments of that era was trying to walk up somewhat tall stairs and falling down a flight. Sober. Totally sober.
Let us not forget the memorable fall my freshman year of college. I was running up (or down) three flights of stairs in my dorm. Wearing, and I’ll never forget this, a plaid mini skirt, tights and a pair of Doc Martin shoes. Sexy picture isn’t is? I fell down at least two flights, and was found by campus security. With my skirt up around my waist. ALSO totally sober.
Bottom line, I’ve never been the most graceful of humans, instead, find myself happily clumsy and more awesome each year.
My goal for this week- to keep the awesome at a controllable level and mitigate any trips to the ER.
Good morning readers. I sit here on my patio this morning trying to get up the energy to be productive. Yesterday was an absolute WHIP.
A beat down.
An exercise in control.
I think I was successful for three reasons:
1.) I didn’t tell anyone to eat me.
2.) I didn’t cry
3.) I didn’t get an email from my boss telling me to slow my roll.
The day started off kinda well- hit the gym, did some miles. I had strong opinions about a woman who was dressed way too nice to be at the gym, but in retrospect, if she wants to be fancy, go for it. I maintain that I look like shit when I work out and will continue to do so.
I posted a rather humorous blog about some thoughts that had been brewing, and it all went downhill after that.
I’m pretty sure that when I was loading up my car for the day, in addition to my three bags of crap (work crap, volunteer crap, other random crap), I also packed my witches broom.
Actually, I think I symbolically rode the broom all day.
I had a flat tire yesterday. While wearing all black. And pants. That was fun. The good news is that I have mad tire changing skills and I cranked it out in less than 15 minutes. I kinda felt like the Dad in “Christmas Story” when I said “TIME ME.”
I could go on and on about the joys that were yesterday, but that is counter productive to setting myself up for a good day today.
Instead, I’m going to focus on navigation.
Focusing on navigation new paths. New projects. New interactions. Understanding how to navigate a very uncharted water in interpersonal relationships.
I’m throwing away all of my old maps and trying a new plan. One might suggest that I’m doing OPPOSITE of everything I’ve ever done before.
So there you have it. My last 24 hours. My goal today is to be less snarky, more awesome. To keep the tone out of my voice. To be productive. To not be an asshole.
To find a moment to tell someone hi. To reach out to someone I haven’t talked to in a while and say “you were on my mind.”
To navigate the uncertain waters of this July. That is my goal for the day.
Oh ya, and to bury deep inside of me the witch that was so close to locking Dorothy in the tower. I’ll put a leash on the flying monkeys. Or in this case, Gus and Weezie.
Good Morning! It appears that if I am meant to publish an entry, it must happen prior to 7am in the morning!
Speaking of mornings, at 2:15am, I woke up in a CRAZY panic realizing that I didn’t publish any of the 45 pages of content I wrote yesterday. Seriously, who does that? Here I spent the majority of my day yesterday writing and editing content and I didn’t hit Publish? WHO DOES THAT?
I managed to fall back asleep for about an hour, and then decided that I wanted to review some reports that a client sent me. Sweet.
I fell back asleep for another 30 minutes and decided that I needed to check email. Bad, terrible, no good idea. Whatsoever.
The moral of this story? Once you start working in the middle of the night, you are screwed. And not in the good way.
This is what today means, in between having an appointment that requires me to drive, two different people working on my house, and a volunteer thing later this afternoon, I am most certainly going to require a nap. If no nap is taken, I apologize in advance for what shall come out of my mouth. Btw- this is a pretty cool breakdown of naps. I’m down with the 60 minute nap, but will happily squeeze in a 10 minute disco nap if I can.
Now that I’ve dumped that random content, I’d like to share a few tidbits that are floating around my head:
1.) I am stupidly jealous of my BFF as she and her husband head to Michigan today. I hate that I’ve not been home in a year, with no date to travel in sight. I need to make this happen before October. This is my Michigan Mission.
2.) I laugh at my big fat yellow dog- This morning, as I sit here typing away, I see him laying on my robe with a toy and a towel under his head. He lives comfortably.
3.) I need to invest in a Thunder Shirt for Black Dog. She lost her fool mind yesterday (and the day before that) with the storms.
4.) Speaking of storms- Really? Haven’t we had enough?
5.) Have I mentioned that I’d like to go home?
6.) It is one week away from ‘Merica Day. Aka, I MAKE THE HOUSE ALL STAR SPANGLED SPARKLY. There will be music. There will be thematic food. Even if it’s just for me. Perhaps I might invite one or two people over. Then again, maybe I’ll just sing “coming to ‘merica and eat my Fancy Pants Independence Day Dessert all by myself.”
Life has exponentially improved over here on Lavender Lane lately. I’ve got a wee project that I can’t wait to talk about. No, correction, I yearn to talk about, but need to hold off a bit before I run my mouth. My garden is thriving, I’m laughing a lot and I look forward to each day. I laugh at the overly dramatical, and shake my head at the truly un-understandable.
Next blog post? The Curse of The Fantasy Football Team.