Nothing deep coming from my fingers this morning. I’ve tried a few variations of this blog, and they felt somewhat preachy and/or borderline snarky. That helps NO ONE whatsoever. Instead, I’m going to share a few truths that I hold dear to my Grinchlike heart.

1. Patience is a stupid virtue. Yes, it’s an important one, but sometimes being patient feels just downright stupid. As Veruca Salt claimed in Willy Wonka- I want it NOW NOW NOW. I feel like I spend the most of my time waiting for something. A deadline to be met, a goal to be achieved, a tomato plant to finally grow. Let me expound on that a bit shall I? I’m knee deep in a tech project that for reasons that baffle me, we can’t get across the finish line. Patience is severely required, and I’m struggling. Struggling isn’t the right word. I’m poised to throw an epic tantrum later today. Realistically, I know that does no one any good, but it might feel good. Or it might make me look like an ass. Probably the latter, so I’ll just sit here, hitting refresh on my screen.

2. I believe strongly that there is a magical force out there that knows when I have a few extra sheckles in my purse and causes something minorly catastrophic to occur in my world that requires me to take the few extra bucks and spend them on something boring- like tires, new shower doors or an air conditioning repair. Yes, I believe this is a magical/mystical force and not at all just the common nature of life.  Plus, my non Suzy Ormon approved retirement plan of winning the lotto isn’t really working as expected.

3. Unfollowing and/or deleting people on Social Media is the most satisfying of feelings. Don’t like what you see? Just delete that person? Don’t like what they say? UNFOLLOW THEM. We have zero societal contract that claims that we must be connected with everyone. Somewhere along the line, we have created this unofficial agreement that requires us to “friend, like, connect” with every Suzy, Sabrina and Honey Boo Boo that we come across in our daily lives. I almost posted one of those horrific “Keep Calm and Un-Follow Me,”, but I was afraid that my friend who shall not be named might reach through the screen and choke me, so instead I offer this:

Finally, as I reread this still snarkier than I had hoped for blog, I realize, it’s time for me to do another Digital Lock-Down. Or take a vacation. Or maybe do both.  When I win the lotto tonight, I’m going to take a few days and check into a spa that will make me look like a beautiful princess, offer me wine with a straw, and lose 27lbs over the course of three days.

Reality is for fools and idiots. Me, I like to live in my own little world.

Have a good Monday.