Literally, never has a calendar been more appropriate than this year’s Mary Englebreit Engledark Calendar. I started keeping track of the days we are isolating in March, but this morning, it truly struck me as to how long we’ve been doing this thing. Like many others, the days are starting to blur together. I work, I sleep, I don’t work. Those are really the three conditions of life.
I could load y’all up with a pile of BS and tell you how I’ve decided to make this such a productive time, but really, that is not happening. At the beginning, in the top of March, I did a lot of things. Organized a ton. Purged some stuff. Read. Worked out. Meditated. Fast forward 40 actual days, and it’s pure survival mode over here. Oh my actual hell, how has it been 40 days? I think that there is part of my brain that is just on auto-pilot right now. Numb is the place where I want to be. Sure, sure, sure, it’s said that it’s ok to feel our feelings, but really? I just want this to be over so I can pick back up my mostly hermit like life, but with options.
There are a lot of things I would love to whine and kvetch about here, but it’s just not needed or appropriate. Things are not easy right now. Not easy for anyone. Even the deep introverts are starting to feel a pull for some kind of connection, even if it’s just us getting a pedicure from an unknown stranger.
Stress levels are higher than normal due to a thousand things out of my control. This week, I realized that I was at a Defcon Level 1M – the eczema around my eyes exploded- I look like I have two black eyes with a side of painful peeling skin. This only happens when my allergies are really bad or stress is high. Lucky me, both conditions apply this week. I look DEAD SEXY and paired with the rapidly accelerating grey hair growth, I honestly think it’s time to just start calling me Bubbe/Grandma/Elder Kate. PS- I have a hair appointment set for this upcoming Friday, May 1st and I’m in total and utter denial that it’s not going to happen. That makes two appointments now missed. I totally understand and support the cause, but at some point, I might either buzz cut my hair to complete the conversion to my mom, or buy a box of hair color. Lacie, if you are reading this, I tried. I really did. Dramatics aside, I’m almost getting used to the grey. I’ve honestly played with the idea of just going with the transition but I think vanity is going to hold me back.
Something interesting that I’ve noted in the past week or so- noise is getting to me. I can barely handle the chatter of tv. By the end of the day, after the non-stop string of calls, I just want quiet. No music. No tv. Nothing. In fact, as I sit here typing this, listening to Yacht Rock Radio, it’s almost too much. Is this how people transition to a silent monk life? I mean, obviously that’s where this is going, right?
But really, things are as they need to be. Texas is actually looking mildly smart with the way that they are testing the reopening waters, unlike GA and TN. Cases still are on the rise here, but still, we are so lucky compared to NY and MI. I have to wonder- did the social distancing mitigate a surge, or are we just not there yet? Hard to tell, but when I see cities like Colleyville swinging the doors open, I fear that the worst is still ahead of us.
I’m going to run a few errands today- nothing too crazy, but I would like to pick up a few more plants for the garden (outdoor nursery) and I’ll pick up a Target haul with contactless delivery. I do wear a mask when I’m out- I feel like that’s the safe thing to do. I have a stash of wipes and antibacterial stuff that I slather on when I get back in my car and just press on. It’s becoming routine and I think for me, there is a comfort in the routine.
Finally (if you are still reading, HIDEY HO!), I do feel so very much for those that miss doing all the things. I was talking to my cousin last night and I realized how very hard this is for so many to be contained/confined and unable to do what they wish to do. If I were to be completely forthright, I don’t feel that way. I probably should, but I don’t. I think that the past few years have really prepared me for this- since 2016, I’ve had 3 surgeries, recoveries, and time leading up to the surgeries- I’ve had a ton of house time to practice. In fact, as I said to another friend last night, in the past 12 months, I’ve only had 4.5 months of absolute freedom. Injury in March, pretty restricted in April, surgery in May, recovery May & June. July and August were precious months of fun. September, the left ankle was sorely diminished and surgery and recovery again in October, November, and part of December. JUST as I was starting to feel human in January and February, the ‘Rona reared its ugly head and here we are. Maybe, I’m just numb? If you are one of those that are feeling claustrophobic, stay strong friends. I love you a lot and want you to stay healthy so at the other end of this, we can gather and have fun again.
Ok, it’s time to get going. I’ve actually been up for 2 hours now- the Jeffersons do not often allow for lazy sleeping mornings. Must go water the plants and try to make my house less disastrous. If you’ve made it all the way through, know that I really would love to give you a hug, but in these times, I’m sending you a virtual fist bump.