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clutz

well hello, it’s been a while

manifestos August 15, 2021

Well hello, friends near and far. I woke up this morning with an overwhelming desire to write, and here we are. I should be on my writing vacation at this very moment, sipping tea, staring out at the waves of Lake Huron. Instead, I sit in my bed in Texas, staring at my CAM boot.

Wait, what? What happened?

You know that phrase “you make plans and G-d laughs?” Somewhere, out there, someone is having a huge belly laugh.

On July 2, I took one single step, rolled my left ankle and suffered a spiral fracture in my fibula, and broke another part of a different bone. And THEN when I got to the ortho, we realized that my entire ankle joint was jacked up and that was going to need some work as well. So, here I am, non-weight-bearing, 6 weeks and 3 days later. 6 WEEKS of not being able to walk. Oh my actual hell, I miss walking oh so very much. I miss doing things. I’m really incredibly salty that I’m not on my much planned, highly desired vacation right now. The pain is mostly managed (except for this very moment, I’m having some stupid pain shoot up the back of my leg, but whatever.) I am either going to be allowed to walk in eleven days OR twenty-five days. In both scenarios, it’s under a month, and my brain can handle that.

Life happens. A wise woman said to me “it’s not like Michigan is going to fall into Lake Huron- it will be there when you are ready.” Ya, I know, but it still sucks.

It really sucks to sit in bed or my recliner (more on that later) and watch all of my people have lives and do things. Just the simple act of eating on a patio is highly desired by yours truly, but honestly a CAM boot in August in Texas, outside, on a patio, is one of Dantes innermost caverns of hell.

Things I’ve learned during this round of orthopedic surgical hell:

1.) I am a control freak and I really don’t like people touching my stuff.

2.) I do not enjoy having to buy a recliner, even though the recliner gets me out of my bedroom, but that was a $975 purchase that still pisses me off.

3.) One of my dogs will always have a health crisis when I’m unable to drive- last surgery Weezie sprained her ankle and could barely walk. This time around George had some freak thing happen that I’m still processing. He is alive and that’s all that matters.

4.) Despite being cooped up in my house, I can only handle a certain amount of people in my house each day. The number changes as my tolerance changes, but somedays, I just want silence.

5.) I am still vain as hell even though most people aren’t seeing me right now. I want my hair colored, my eyebrows mowed, and a bucket of botulism injected into my face.

6.) My stress is high and I’m dealing with it.

7.) I miss working out.

8.) I miss being in control.

So, there you have it. A brief synopsis of my life. I’ve had a ton of time to think about life and have a bucket full of thoughts to share. Maybe, this time, I’ll write more and actually hit publish on a post?

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The Alphabet- Or This Blog is brought to you by the letter A

random me August 4, 2014

While I was on the treadmill this morning, I started thinking about blog topics for the week. I probably should have been paying more attention to my own ass on the treadmill. Side note, in an effort to “up” my pace, I took my speed to 4.5mph… Within 2 seconds, I took a weird step, and literally went backwards off the treadmill. Yes, I did the idiot move and slid off the treadmill. To find a little humor in the situation, I totally Mary Katherine Gallagher’ed in up… I will give the sweet guy next to me some credit for not busting a total side laughing at me. Instead, he side eyed me and said “you ok?”

 

180px-Mkgallagherarmsup

 

 

Which brings me to this blog topic today- the Alphabet Blog. Every now and then, I’m going to work through the alphabet and throw a “theme” out there. Today is brought to you by the letter A. You know A for Awesome.

Over the years, my “awesomeness” has taken on a Barney Stinson “legendary” like quality. And by awesome, I mean, incredibly clutzy, uncoordinated, awkward awesomeness.

My path to awesomeness probably started when I was 3 years old, wearing brand new saddle shoes, and I broke my arm walking on the floor. Yep, didn’t trip, didn’t run. Just walked, fell and broke an arm.

I’ve hurt myself so many times over the year out of sheer idiocracy, that I barely notice any longer. Did I ever tell y’all about the time that I cracked my head open on a tampon machine? Yep, in high school, while on a debate (or forensics) weekend, I was in the ladies bathroom, hiking up my tights, and i blasted my head on the nasty tampon machine. I don’t remember if stitches were necessary, but the sheer mortification of the incident lives on and on. And on.

During my younger years in Austin, a night wouldn’t be complete if I didn’t bust my ass at least one time per night. Sometimes, the damn cracks on the street would attack me. Other times, I would fall off bar stools. One of my favorite moments of that era was trying to walk up somewhat tall stairs and falling down a flight. Sober. Totally sober.

Let us not forget the memorable fall my freshman year of college. I was running up (or down) three flights of stairs in my dorm. Wearing, and I’ll never forget this, a plaid mini skirt, tights and a pair of Doc Martin shoes. Sexy picture isn’t is? I fell down at least two flights, and was found by campus security. With my skirt up around my waist. ALSO totally sober.

Bottom line, I’ve never been the most graceful of humans, instead, find myself happily clumsy and more awesome each year.

My goal for this week- to keep the awesome at a controllable level and mitigate any trips to the ER.

 

 

 

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