The world was a very different place in 2010 and I was hopelessly determined that I was immortal.
I was in my early 30’s.
Fewer shits were given to just about everything and anything.
For better or for worse, I now know more and can’t ignore reality.
In 2010, I still had a pretty monogamous relationship with Marlboro Lights 100. I maintained a lovely year-round glow thanks to the super blast of tanning beds and I am not even sure I knew what fiber was.
My hair was close to its original color and due to the ongoing consumption of smokes, I was able to keep my ass in somewhat check.
Fast forward to today.
I’m researching ways to increase fiber in my diet so that I can increase my protein consumption and not have stomach issues. I care more about fiber than I care about going out for happy hours. Oh, that’s right, we can’t really do that these days.
My relationship with Philip Morris has been on mostly ice for years.
Despite the pale white glow of my legs, I can’t bring myself to go tanning. EVEN THOUGH I WANT TO. BIGLY.
Life just changes. Focus changes. You watch people start to struggle with things and you start quietly adjusting.
For me? I need to drop some lbs to help get my whoremoans under control. (Spelling 200% intentional.) Estrogen holds fat. Excess estrogen is a pain in the ass and literally could cause big issues. In order for me to lose weight, there is an actual trained medical professional working to help me figure out how to eat/lose weight without making my stomach sad.
Smoking is bad for my lungs and skin. This isn’t opinion, it’s just pure fact. My morning skincare routine involves 7 different products. It seems stupid to undo some seriously good work on my skin by picking back up one of my favorite bad habits.
Tanning? God, this is the hardest. I can give up Doritos, Fritos and late-night scooby snacks. I’ve already broken up with smoking. If I were to be completely honest, I would admit that I love the way I feel when I get out of a tanning bed. Energized. Fueled with well, possible skin cancer.
I’m not planning on going to the tanning bed, but I do miss some color on my body. I don’t want to end up one of those cautionary GIF’s about the dangers of UV exposure.
Most of the fun stuff in life leads back to cancer and I’m just sick of it. I’m sick of people getting the raw end of the cancer deal. Too many people I know have fought the cancer battle. Many cancer patients have won the battle, but the number of funerals I’ve attended has increased over the years.
I’ve lost count of the many people I know have actually fought and won the battle. I know how many have lost and it just bums me out.
2010 Kate was a big selfish asshole. She thought she was immortal. Without limits. Without cares. Treated my body like a legit rusty carnie ride.
Now, out of respect for myself, and others that I give a shit about, I reign it in.
Getting older and I guess wiser is not as fun as I thought it was going to be.