dearly beloved

manifestos April 1, 2020

We are gathered together… wait, no, that’s not right.

We are not gathering together.

Hear me out, friends. This thing is not going anyway, and it’s just going to keep on going until we as a collective figure out how to slow it down. Actually, there isn’t much to figure out. We need to limit our exposure and our activities. Period.

Does it suck? SO MUCH.

Is it hard to be stuck in our houses? Probably. It’s a cost I’m willing to pay.

Speaking of costs, there are high costs to this- to our collective psyche, to our health, to our welfare, to our economy. This is true.

And no, I’m not overreacting. I’ve been cautious for both myself and the many for a while now. I’m so frigging sick of hearing “oh Kate, she is overreacting.” “Kates nervous for no reason,” or “Kate is just being a liberal.”

Come the actual EFF on.

The numbers? They are growing exponentially each day.

This isn’t a hoax.

It’s not going away.

And it’s not going to go away the more we continue to ignore best practices and recommendations. I’m not a doctor. Hell, I failed organic chemistry my freshman year of college which pretty much eradicated my chances of going into a clinical field. Why is it so hard to just try to make it safer for the greater collective?

I’m trying to find the right words but I keep failing. These are not politically correct words. These are not particularly inspiring. I’ll be honest, I’m feeling pretty helpless.

When I feel helpless, here is what I do:

  • I work
  • I cook
  • I clean, poorly, but I try.
  • I wash laundry again and again
  • I read- so many books, magazines, newspapers
  • I scroll the socials
  • I talk to people- facetime, skype, phone, text, social messages, you name it.
  • I go for walks. Long walks. Short walks. Walks around my house, my yard, my street… just keep walking.

March was a long month. I felt like shit for the majority of the month- fighting the bronchial disaster that was my lungs, a sinus infection and a never-ending ear infection. Side note- that is still a thing and today I got some pretty nasty vertigo for a few hours. So yes, March is my own personal groundhog day of being locked in my house with an ear infection.

If you’ve made it this far, I really think you deserve this video. If nothing else, turn it up really loud, dance for a few and know that I would hug you if it was acceptable to do so.

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life in the time of covid-19, broadway edition

manifestos March 24, 2020

yesterday I went down a rabbit hole of broadway goodness… first off, I started watching this fabulous video :

I mean, can you even? I love the mask laying so very casually on LMM piano. So, after watching this, I went down a very lovely rabbit hole of some of my favorite musicals, in honor of ALW and Stephen Sondheim’s birthday. I came up with an idea that is surely going to give me at least a few hours of entertainment… I’m going to play Musical Connect the Dots… kinda like 7 degrees of Kevin Bacon, but much less thought put into it. I want to listen to a full musical each day and then the following day, play one that is somehow connected to the prior.

In honor of watching Andrew Lloyd Weber above, I decided to give a listen to an oldie but goodie, “Phantom of the Opera”- with Michael Crawford and Sarah Brightman.

This was fun listening as I was doing a breathing treatment and spraying some antibiotics up into my sinus cavities. A long rambling explanation of what I’m going to do is here:

Posted by Kate Grigal on Tuesday, March 24, 2020

Basically, here is the gist- find a musical that you love- broadway, movie, tv, don’t care. Watch it. Turn it up- fill your home with music. Tomorrow, find a musical that is connected to the one you watched today. Turn it up, fill your home with music. Keep on going. Feel free to follow along with me on my Facebook Page or here in the comments.

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Other than that, how was the play, Mrs. Lincoln?

manifestos March 22, 2020

Well, it’s been a few minutes/days/weeks/months since I’ve last posted. I think it’s so cute that I posted the night before my surgery and nothing since.

Let’s catch up, shall we? My name is Kate. This is my ever neglected blog. I screwed it up for a bunch of months trying to make it better, but alas, I have no skills in this department. It’s taken the better part of the day to even make it functional. Does it work? Can you even read it?

I write to you from the bed, where I have, as I mentioned above, been eating bon-bons (for real) and working on my website. Oh yes, and there is a global pandemic of Covid-19. Corona Virus. The Rona.

What the actual hell is going on?

Seriously though. Since I last wrote, here is a brief synopsis of my life:

  • Had surgery. Surgery sucked. Walking was hard. Got an infection. Hate antibiotics. PT sucked. Everything sucked, until it didn’t.
  • I turned my house into the annual Griswold shitshow that I always do, this year with customized LED exterior illumination. My house, it glowed.
  • The minute I got cleared to fly post-surgery, I went to San Francisco and did work things.
  • Then I went to NYC and did more work things. I walked in the Women’s March with my cousin Amy and saw Chuck Schumer.
  • I’ve taken 26 Pilates classes since January 20th. I love it so much. Pondering quietly about studying enough to learn how to teach this to other curvy girls with big boobs.
  • Work got bigly busy and I don’t remember much of February.
  • My badass boss suggested I take a few days off, so I decided to fly to San Francisco around the top of March to eat good food, shop for some treats and go get a massage.
  • Covid-19/Corona happened.
  • Trip to SF canceled. (Corona Fears)
  • Turned 43. Ate Dominos pizza on my couch.
  • SXSW canceled (effing Corona). I went to lunch with my friend Shelly instead. That was my last public outing, over a week ago.
  • Got a sinus infection, ear infection, and rocking a super fun bronchial thing. Got all the drugs. Steroids are amazing.
  • Been cleaning my house and organizing things.
  • Trying not to eat my feelings.
  • Painting my nails almost every day, why? Because I can.
  • Gave this little blog some CPR, a facelift and here we are.

So, ya, here it is. I’ve also been slowly writing not one, but two books. One is kind of a memoir/names/events changed to protect the guilty and the other is something I love a lot, a little “how not to do x,y,z” book and I just need to buckle down and finish it. Maybe this time of Corona, will turn out to be productive and cathartic?

I hope you are all well, that is, if you are reading this. If you can read this. Also, if anyone has a clue to how make a WordPress template not suck and/or have graphic skills, please hit me up. Mama needs help.

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Broström procedure, or everything you wanted to know about ankle surgery but were afraid to ask.

manifestos October 10, 2019

Good morning, in less than 5 hours, I will be having my third ankle surgery in under 3 years. Whereas I don’t think that is something to be celebrated, I do think that there is information that I can share about the procedure. Especially if you are one of my friends that are sitting there thinking “wtf is wrong with her and why does she keep having surgeries?”

This morning, I am having an Open Broström procedure on my left ankle. We do not yet know if it will be a repair or a graft- they won’t know that information until I’m taking a really good anesthesia nap to figure that out. It’s almost like a game show- will she or won’t she wake up splinted?

Still tracking with me? The Broström operation is a repair of ligaments on the lateral ankle. It is designed to address ankle instability. More importantly, it is primarily used to repair the anterior talofibular ligament (ATFL) in the ankle. I mean, there is an actual surgery now to correct instability- Not mental, but at least physical 🙂 I kid, I kid.

As this is my third round with this- first in 2016, with a Modified Broström on my right, and then a repair/revision Broström on my right in May. Today we are doing an Open Brostrom on my left to correct 24 years of wear and tear. If I were being completely honest, I would say a “lifetime” of wear and tear.

Why am I writing about the Broström procedure? Because there is incredibly limited content online that isn’t clinical about this and I would like my experiences to help someone.

The why:

We are doing this surgery because I’ve failed at nonsurgical ankle repair options- we’ve tried PT, Boot, rest, ice, reduction in weight-bearing- to no avail.

The who:

I’m working with a tremendous surgeon team at Plano Orthopedics– both Dr. Crates and his PA Jackie have been with me since the beginning of this journey and I trust their guidance explicitly. They are not cut first practitioners but they will flag when it’s time to move past traditional therapeutic methods and repair.

What life will be like for me for the next 4-6 weeks after the Broström procedure:

First things first, and I can’t stress this enough- the first 7-10 days of life after the Broström procedure is rough. There is very little information about this online, but I’m here to tell you, it sucks, but you can and will get through it.

Everyone has a different variation of the procedure but here are my takeaways (PLEASE USE THE PROTOCOL THAT YOUR DOCTOR PRESCRIBES FOR YOU- these are my experiences.)

  1. Assuming that this is a repair and not a graft, I will be weight-bearing today. Not walk around the block, but I will be able to get myself to the bathroom and back.
  2. For me, this is an outpatient surgery. I will be home this afternoon, assuming no issues.
  3. It’s all about that ice, ice baby. Ice will be your best friend. Keep elevated and ice as much as you can tolerate. It’s all fun and games until after the meds wear off and keeping the swelling down is critical.
  4. Don’t be a martyr- stay in front of the pain. I know, I know, pain meds are the devil. That doesn’t matter- what sucks more is uncontrolled pain when you literally have a cut open ankle. Stay on top of the meds that your surgical team prescribes. I don’t do well with a lot of the normal paid meds, so I will be on good, ole-fashioned Morphine for a few days and then step down to Tramadol.
  5. Did I say “keep the ice going?” You can get an ice machine, use ice packs and/or frozen veggies. I’ve done all three. I truly have a love/hate relationship with ice- I hate the way it feels, but I love the way it works.
  6. Stay in your boot. Yes, the doctor will put you in a splint or boot (Depending on if you are having a repair or graft replacement) and LEAVE IT ON. Sure it sucks to sleep in a boot, but it’s there to protect you. Don’t be me and try to sneak out of it. It SUCKS.
  7. Stock up on cozy clothes that will go over the boot. I have found that shorts plus t-shirts or pj’s that are shorts make life easier for the first week or so.
  8. Buy a shower chair. Just get over yourself and do it. It makes life easy. You will want a shower and this is a safe way to do it. Unless you know, you like to be held upright, butt naked with someone helping you, then go for it.
  9. Speaking of showers- buy Glad Press & Seal and wrap, wrap, wrap that bandage up. It does create a mostly waterproof seal that will let you hose yourself down.
  10. Force yourself to eat with the meds- pb&j’s are my go to’s. And Goldfish Crackers. Dear Sweet Baby Happiness, Goldfish crackers have been my salvation for the past two surgeries and today they are at my bedside for when I get home this afternoon. They are literally the snack that smiles back and you need smiles when you are getting through with this. (not sponsored, but my love of the Goldfish is real.)
  11. Buy ProBiotics and take them. Just do it. Between the pain meds, antibiotics and sitting on your butt, your gut will thank you.
  12. Be patient with yourself. You aren’t going to wake up the day after and feel awesome, but you will eventually feel better.
  13. Don’t be afraid to talk to your surgical team if you have any questions. I am lucky that my team at POSMC has a great communication system and i can shoot off email questions at any time.

I’m going to keep this conversation going- stay tuned for information about “life post Broström procedure.”

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the journey of a life long clutz

manifestos October 10, 2019

I’m pretty sure that my first Clutzy move was at the age of 3. I fell walking. Not running. Not goofing around. You know, walking on the floor with saddle shoes on. I was three. I broke my arm. By walking. It really did set the stage for a life long journey of hurt.

The injuries have been many and varied. Cracking my head open on a tampon machine. Slamming my hand shut in a car door. Falling. Tripping. Breaking fingers, arms, needing stitches, bandages, ice, you name it.

My freshman year of college was exceptionally graceful. On my way to class, I fell down a flight of stairs and f’d up my left ankle. Badly. I remember the ER doc saying “oh, how i wish you could have just broken it, it would have healed better.” Sigh. I continued to fall and sprain and re-sprain the very tired left ankle. The ground and I are just not friends. At all. I’ve walked off a curb in front of my new house and sprained my ankle. I’ve been walking down 5th Street in Austin when the street jumped up and tackled me. Not really, but I like that version better.

In 2015, I had a sinus infection. I was awake all night, hopped up on decongestants and steroids. I was cleaning the house when I stepped on a dog bone and subsequently tore the ligament of my right ankle.

In October of 2016, I had a Modified Brostrom surgery to repair the right ankle. It sucked. Sucked bigly. The injury sucked. The recovery sucked, but I did it. I went through it. PS- I was pretty old school with my ice back then 🙂

In March of 2019, I fell. I retore the ligament on my right ankle. I knew within 5 minutes that I had trashed my ankle. You just know these things when you are a professional clutz. I called my parents and said “Well, this is bad.” It was suggested that I was being dramatic and to go home and ice it. I knew. I knew.

In May of 2019, I had an Open Brostrom repair on the right ankle. (We got a lot more high tech this time around- ice machine, compression socks, the whole shebang.)

Ya, I kinda called that one. Maybe an “i told you so” would be appropriate here.

Flash forward to July. I busted my ass to get through rehab on the right ankle. I did all of the work in PT and then continued to do the work at home. I wanted to be strong and be done with all of the things. I wanted to get back to Pilates. I wanted to get healthy, get strong and MOVE.

On July 6th, as I was going down some 150 stairs at the Hotel, I took a video of my ankle. I was going to send it to my surgeon to say “LOOK HOW INCREDIBLE THIS LOOKS.”

Well, I sent the video and I didn’t get a response. To quote Michelle Tanner, “how rude.”

Another few weeks later, I go into what I thought was going to be my final post-op visit with my surgical team. I walk in all confident. Akin to Beyonce and her drumline. I was feeling GOOD. I was a little surprised to see how many of the doctor’s team was in the room for a simple post-op clearance appointment. Remember that video I sent? Ya.

Turns out my right ankle was indeed strong. My left? Not so much.

Which brings me to right now.

In 24 hours, I will be heading to my third ankle surgery. This time to repair the left that I beat to hell over the course of my 42 years. Multiple trips, falls, and sprains were nothing compared to forcing a weak ankle to be the primary for multiple years while the right was in the boot. I literally wore myself out. So tomorrow, I have to do this crap all over again. I’m ready. I have Goldfish crackers, I have my scooter, the boot, the brace, the ice machine and the shower chair. Somewhere along the way, I’ve lost my dignity, but ya, I’ll be good to go in 6-8 weeks.

I hope.

By January, I will be oh, so bionic.

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the only certain thing in life is that something/everything will change

manifestos August 24, 2019

I’ve been on the road a fair bit this summer, both for work and for me. I’m incredibly lucky that the work I do requires only an internet connection to do my job. And a computer, but obviously, that was implied.

Last week, I had the opportunity to run up to Mackinac Island again. The is part of my story. Can’t really fully articulate, but from the time I was a kid, this place has been my happy place. It’s also been my medium place and my super sad place.

I fell in love on this island. I made incredible friends on this island. I worked my ass off on this island. Ok, I drank my ass off too, but that’s neither here nor there.

This past week, I got to show lifelong friend parts of the island that I love. On Sunday night, we had a lovely dinner and were walking through the Grand Hotel. I was showing her little things here and there, and I paused by this ancient desk outside of the main dining room. The desk is a standing desk, with a big scratched top that raises to hide things inside the desk. I used to stand outside of that desk three times a day- taking and selling tickets for various meals.

I touched the desk and was immediately thrown back to 1997, a time long ago. I had a ton of friends, was optimistic about life and was in the early stages of falling in love. Life was pretty incredible as it could be for a 20-year-old dumbass. That desk. Oh, that desk.

As one must do, I left the island to head back to reality. This time it was a little different. I’m older now. More cynical. More wary of everything and everyone. I left the island this time just me, as I am today. I left behind this time some of my stories and memories. They are better there than floating around my head.

Life changes. Things change. Places evolve. People move on. Boy, some people move on more than others. My circle has changed since those early days. Some have left, some have been pushed out. Others, I still hold onto dearly for the friendships as they are today.

This morning, as I lay in bed writing this, I raise my cup of tea to those who helped build the memories, but even more, I offer cheers that are still here today. Because they want to be.

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