Greetings from the bedroom on Lavender Lane on this fine first day of 2017.
I can say with almost complete certainty that 2016 was an absolute #shitshow.
Ok, maybe not so much. it’s morning. it’s dark outside. I’m less crabby than I was yesterday. I slept for 5 glorious hours last night. I have a hot lunch date today with a friend and her glorious little baby. I’m going to eat SCHWARMA. Chicken glorious shwarma. Side note, I am moderately concerned about my level of excitement for Chicken Schwarma at 5am, but whatever.
Last night, as I was falling asleep, I was crafting the perfect blog post in my head. I was just tired enough not to get up and write it down, but man, it was eloquent. I was reflecting on the past 10 months and had some thoughts. Some intense, deep thoughts. Five hours later, they are literally gone with the wind.
Here is the gist of my late night musings- This year has been a year filled with change, interesting life choices and declarations of independence. I’ve had one hellacious surgery and getting ready to have another on Friday. I’ve spent more of my year in the boot than I’ve not and finally I’m going to address this issue. I have significantly fewer sinus infections post surgery than I’ve had in about 8 years, and for that I’m thankful. Now perhaps I can get back to the business of living once healed?
As I listen to Old Crow Music Show “Wagon Wheel”, I realize that this year hasn’t been “that bad.” Work has been steady, I’ve been able to pay for all of the things I’ve needed. I’ve done some work to the house and am getting ready to do a bit more. My yard is a mess, but whatever. I’ll get to that next year. I’ve gotten to go on a few adventures, one big road trip, and a few getaways to Austin. Next year, I’m going to branch out and hit the road a bit more. Marfa, Colorado, New Mexico and Port A are on my list of upcoming 2017 trips.
I’ve become a bit more selfish this year. I’m actually ok with that. I’ve grown up watching people live a life of partial martyrdom and frankly, I don’t want to go to the grave wondering “what-if?” If I want to go some place, I will go. If I want to eat something, I will. If I want that big shiny toy on the top shelf, I’m probably going to climb up and grab it. I’ve become selfish with my time. I’m less likely to spend hours dedicated to doing stuff that doesn’t bring me happiness. I’m even less likely going to spend any time doing stuff that doesn’t resonate with me.
Here is what I know to be true:
At some point on Friday, I’m going to have surgery that will repair about 20 years of damage done to my right ankle. I’m going to be stuck at home for a while, and that’s ok. I’m going to heal, try not to whack Georgie with my crutch, and hit PT with a vengeance. I want to do the 5.7 miles Great Turtle Trail run next fall. I want to join a paddle club next summer. I just want to move. I want to do. I want to fish and be outside. Holy shit, if I spend one more spring/summer either in a boot or in pain, I might just hack off this ankle and be done with it.
I’m absolutely over it being warm. Yesterday my air-conditioning kicked on and this overwhelming fit of rage took over me and I wanted to punch someone. One should NOT have to use their A/C at the end of October.
I need to write more. Professionally, personally, commercially. I love to write and I’ve gotten so very lazy.
I need to start working on my exterior illumination plan for the upcoming holidays.
It’s time for some action and some changes. I’m chuckling about the last sentence because I’m literally going to be stuck in bed for what might feel like forever starting on Friday, but MAN, will I have some plans.
I will strive not to be an asshole. This is a big one, but it’s worthwhile. While many are trying to climb the social ladders, to be leaders, to be everything to everyone, I just want to be less of an asshole, more of a decent person. That means that despite the whole “selfish” manifesto above, I need to think about impact. I need to make sure I’m not purposely being an asshole whenever possible. I mean, it’s probably going to happen, but let’s make Kate great again…
AND THAT BRINGS ME TO MY FINAL EFFING POINT.
I swear to Jesus, if I hear you bitching about the results of the election and find out that you didn’t vote because you didn’t like either candidate, I’m going to stick you in a crate with George. Seriously.
As I discussed with my friend Leslie the other evening, it’s probably going to be good that I’m locked up in my house between now and election day. I just want it to be over. I’m only going to watch West Wing and Romantic Comedies. And Football. And maybe some cartoons. BUT I’m OVER IT.
Be a fucking grown up, weigh out your options and go vote. Vote in your local elections, vote at the state level and for the love of all that is good and holy VOTE FOR PRESIDENT. Now, if you know me, you should know who I’m voting for. But I won’t try to sway you or anything. Let’s just say I’m off creamsicles for the near future and have a weird desire to listen to Janet Jackson. I know that some of you don’t agree with me and that’s ok. I mean, I’ll still break bread with you after this is all over. And probably drink some wine. Or some vodka. Let’s just put this behind us and move on. Hopefully. I have hope.
I mean, I literally let an entire season pass without updating this blog. IN FACT, I had forgotten about the existence of said blog until this morning and while brushing my teeth thought “oh holy shit, I should probably update this thing.”
So, here is the scoop of all the things that have happened since June.
I went to Michigan.
I fractured the ankle.
I yelled at George.
I forgot how to cook.
I broke up with a memory.
I spent the night in St. Louis twice.
I tried to go see Precious Moments Museum and failed.
I drafted not one, but two fantasy football leagues.
I make ongoing questionable life choices.
I’ve held at least 3 babies.
I sustained from Junior League.
I drank a glass of champagne. Or four. Or whatever.
I went to Austin.
I went to Dallas.
I went to Fort Worth.
Seriously, that’s about it.
It’s a blah little life. I’m currently pondering life and all of the intricacies. I wish I could say that I hit my goals before I’m 40, but well, that is just not going to happen. I can’t pretend to say that I’m ok with all aspects of my life, but it is my life. I do have a borderline cute house that is in need of a good scrubbing, and I have two fuzzy pups that keep me from running away forever.
I did learn this summer that it’s ok to say “enough” to a shitty situation and just leave.
I did remember this summer that there is still a lot of life to live.
I remembered this weekend that it’s ok to be honest and say “i’m having a shitty day and that’s ok.”
I also remembered at some point this morning that I probably should just go on more adventures. Find the change that I’ve been seeking. Be a little more selfish. Blah blah yackity smackity.
As of today, I am closer to 40 than I am to 30. I have no idea what that is supposed to mean, or how I am supposed to react to the changing of a decade. I mean, sure, I would have liked the construct of my life to be different as I head into a new decade, but let’s face it- some people appear to have that very thing and we know that a portion of the public portrayal is total and utter bullshit.
I think that’s what I finally figured out this summer. Sometimes you have to be ok with the life that you are handed, and you just have to live for yourself, not anyone else. (or what you think you should do to keep up appearances)
Life is entirely too fucking short to live in mediocrity. I look towards the upcoming season change to create some change of my own. The fact that I can sit here and rattle off the essential nothing that I’ve done over the past 3 months is just stupid.
PS- I woke up with an tone this morning, because it’s HOT. I mean, it’s going to 99 degrees today. I’d say “let’s run away to some fall like destination”, but it appears that mother nature has had a total and utter hotflash and can’t figure out where she put her hormones. If Michigan is going to be 85 degrees today, there is just no running away.
Will one of you hold me accountable to updating this blog a few times a week?
I do have things to talk about, I honestly just forget to head over here.
Oh, and I did fall in love with this song this weekend, which was technically still in the summer, so it’s borderline ok to include in this wrap-up.
Holy hell, it’s the first day of summer. Bit of a let down really, as here in Texas, it’s felt like summer for about 10 days, including the sweating, sun and feeling like you are going to melt after being outside for more than a few hours, but it is the first day of summer whether I like it or not!
So what happens on Solstice? Longest day of the year, lightest day of the year and the happy midpoint.
In an effort to celebrate solstice, let me suggest a little playlist. I know it’s not 100% complete, but it’s the first thing that came to my mind this morning before I consumed vast quantities of caffeine.
What is your favorite song about summer?
If I do die, please someone take care of the dogs, and please write a good obit that references my love for leopard print, charitable acts of snark, and my quest for the perfect slice of apple pie. oh and the fact that i am a barren spinster. please & thank you.
warning… this post is being crafted AFTER taking a rather large cocktail of all of the drugs that I’ve been tasked to take, so bear with… ok?
So, it’s Saturday night, 9 days after having my face jackhammered. I’m feeling better, but still not quite where I feel like I should be. Everyone, including the nurse, the doctor and my friends keep reminding me