I feel like I should start this letter by giving you a compliment. You’ve made my life easier. I love my Prime account. I love the streaming hours of mindless tv. I love the fact that I can hit “one click order” when I realize that I’m getting low on light-bulbs or batteries.
I love that I can spend hours looking at things I don’t need, want, or should buy. I love the fact that I can order heavy stuff that my lazy self doesn’t want too schlep.
I think you need to add a feature. A button. A button that might cause a miniscule drop in revenue, but increase overall client satisfaction.
Here is my feature request:
Please add a button that says “Are you really sure you want to buy this? No, really, are you sure?”
Yes, that’s what I want the button to say. Or the prompt. Or perhaps a breathalyzer.
I went on today to look up “cute fall throw blankets.” Because I only have 97. Within 33 seconds, I had ordered this majestic thing of beauty:
Please note the use of “lavish.”
It gets better. I wish I didn’t, but it did.
There may or may not have been wine involved when I bought this gem:
Because I’m such an avid Elk Lover.
This piece of high fashion will arrive on Thursday. Thing is, I know I could return the elk bag, but it’s SO incredibly horrible, that I need it.
I need to wear it as a badge. A badge that says to the world “I’m not a hipster. I’m not a hunter. I just drink and order things on Amazon Prime.”
So, in conclusion, dear Amazon,
Help a sister out please. Please, dear Jesus, help a sister out.
Filled with anticipation of Elk Bags.