I’m a Midwestener living in Texas.

I rather be barefoot (not pregnant) and in the kitchen. My mortgage, however, prefers to be paid, so work I must.

I’m currently under-employed.

I take endless selfies with my sunglasses on.

My hair has changed colors 9 times this year.

It’s been said that I don’t always play well with others.

I have two dogs that make me laugh. Except for when they kill things. Then they make me puke.

I’m single. I don’t do much about changing that status. I think about it. I ponder it. I sign up for online dating services and then am blown away by the single ass clowns that are in my area.

Much to my mothers chagrin, I occasionally have what could loosely be considered a “potty mouth.” Lucky for me, she is far away and can’t shove a bottle of soap in my mouth.

I really don’t try to be sarcastic, but it just oozes out of me.

If you don’t like me, that’s ok. In fact, I probably don’t like you anyways.

If I do like you, I will cook for you.