Picture this. Lavender Lane, 5:30am.

Queen of Craptastical (ahem), is sweeping up piles of dog hair and scrubbing a toilet. You know, living the glamorous life.

The 5 Hour Energy not nearly kicked in, I decided to layer some good music to my morning. Naturally, I yelled out to Alexa “Play Aretha.”

Alexa and I are on a first name basis with Miss Franklin in the morning, by the way.

So, RESPECT comes on, and it gets me shaking my money maker as I am silently cursing owning not one but two dogs of labradorian lineage. I’m singing at the top of my lungs :

“Or you might walk in (respect, just a little bit)
And find out I’m gone (just a little bit)
I got to have (just a little bit)
A little respect (just a little bit)”

It felt good. Empowering. A woman who takes no shit. A woman who will call a 21 year old in the dead of the night during a snow storm to go pick up something to eat. THAT, in itself is another story.

So, I was feeling my morning groove Miss Franklin. Feeling it. Scrubbing the house. Mentally making a plan for the day. Getting ready to go kick some ass, take names and blah blah blah. I was getting ready to take the bad dog for a walk when this gem comes on the Echo:

And Miss Franklin, I’m sorry, but this song made me ANGRY.

You are Aretha EFFING FRANKLIN. You don’t tap on some schmucks door that walked out. YOU walk away.  I have loved this song my ENTIRE life. I never really listened to the lyrics before. I mean, I knew the lyrics by heart, but I never really paid attention until this morning. Miss Franklin, I got angry.

You are a bad ass. You do not:

“I’m gonna swallow my pride
I’m gonna beg you to (please baby please) see me”

Screw that.

Context:

I’ve spent the better part of my adult waiting for some schmuck to come back to me. There, I said it. I waited for him to magically realize that I was the one. I tolerated so much bad behavior out of the modern day Peter Pan that it embarrasses me. My musical hero has basically always told me that I should just wait until he comes back. That I should just say a little prayer for him. Miss Franklin, I don’t understand how you can belt out RESPECT in one breath and then croon the following:

“Living for you my dear
Is like living in a world of constant fear
In my plea, I’ve got to make you see
That our love is dying
Although your phone you ignore”

Listening to these songs this morning with open ears is a little bit like finding out that Santa Claus is just really your OCD mother who spends hours obsessively wrapping everything in white tissue paper. It’s just kind of a let down. I know it’s just music. I know this is your job to entertain.

Frankly, the message sucks.

As a single female, we get a ton of shit tossed our ways. The side glances, the pity. The lack of invitations to couples weekends. The “your standards are too high.” “You are too picky.” OH MY GOD, the list goes on and on and on. We are constantly told that we will not be complete until we have some partner that fulfills our plus one. It’s the societal norm ya know. Forget the fact that guys do NOT get the same level of shit for being equally single.

It just kinda sucks to hear you singing :

“Why did you have to decide
You had to set me free
I’m gonna swallow my pride
I’m gonna beg you to (please baby please) see me”

No, I’m not going to swallow my pride. Screw that. If some dude wants to see me, he knows where to find me. Miss Franklin, I’m kinda done with this shit.

ps.. you know I still love you long time and I will happily deliver a canned ham basket to you any day. Just say the word. I apologize for my tone, but this just made me hangry. Have a good day Miss Franklin. I hope you are fabulous.

Signed,

Feeling Sassy