Dolly Parton Inspired Thanks

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xAQ2SiSAt-A

My morning started like a Dolly Parton song.

“Tumbled out of bed and stumbled into the kitchen. Poured myself a cup of ambition.”

My version: Stumbled out of bed and tripped over the dogs. Cracked open the first diet coke while I made the coffee.

Few thoughts of lesser import:

 

1.) Dogs don’t give a shit about Daylight Savings Time. I knew that they wouldn’t care, and they didn’t. At 4:45 local time, Weezie started her morning frantic pacing. She needed to go patrol and she needed breakfast STAT.

2.) My allergies are hellacious. I’m becoming a regular at CVS/Walgreens trying to find some combination of drugs that make me function like a basic human. Tie that together with getting up at the asscrack of dawn, I KNEW that today was going to be awesome. I popped some drivers license generic Sudafed and waited for the little miracles to kick in.

Since I was up before God made his appearance, I decided to be somewhat productive. I found a recipe last night for a bread that is almost brioche in nature and appeared to be somewhat tasty. I started my bread before the sun even came up, and if my bread sense is working, I think it’s going to be yummy. I loaded up my coffee pot with Dunkin Donuts finest ground beans, and started my day.

I think it’s also important to mention that without my glasses, I’m blind. Not just “life is kinda fuzzy in a good way” blind, but really incapable of seeing much. When I woke up this morning to let the Hounds of Hell outside, I forgot to put my glasses on. The morning was really quite lovely in a mild haze. Lovely until I stepped into the bathroom to brush my teeth.

I looked in the mirror and screamed. I HAVE A HUGE BALD SPOT. I mean, HUGE. At my hairline, it appeared that all of my hair had fallen away overnight.  I started panicking and immediately thinking about my collection of hats, bandanas and the wigs that I would need to cover said HUGE ASS BALD SPOT.

At this very same moment, I realized, I should probably go find my glasses.

When armed with my glasses, I realized, no, my hair didn’t fall out, but I really, really need to get my roots done. What appeared to be a big ole bald spot without glasses, was in reality, a HUGE patch of white, (or as my friend Julie says, sparkly) hair. When compared to the rest of my hair (which is currently a lovely shade of brownish red, it looked GONE.

Dear baby Jesus, my hair is really gray.

Crisis averted, I head back into the kitchen to kick off the bread. I gaze into the living room to see the dogs, the same dogs that less than 30 minutes ago were bouncing off the walls, passed out cold and snoring.

Thanks friends.

Back to the kitchen, diet coke in one hand, sudafed in my body, and waiting patiently for the coffee to brew. I’ve got the milk & butter simmering on the stove to be delicately placed in the bowl of my stand mixer to complete the brioche.

I realized at that moment, the moment my sudafed kicked in, that it’s going to be a long long day.

A few days ago, I made a bold statement that I was going to find something daily to give thanks for. Ya, I already kinda biffed that up, but here is my prior two days catch-up.

 

1.) I’m thankful for drivers licensed strength decongestants.

2.) I’m thankful that my amazing hair guru Lacie will be attending to the nightmare grey(gray?) situation on my head.

3.) I’m thankful that last weeks power surge didn’t kill my KitchenAid. I really think I would have needed to be tranquilized if that happened.

4.) I’m thankful that it’s finally not hot. I’m really thankful that I have a backyard in which I can sit in the mornings, wearing leopard print pj bottoms, a Pure Michigan sweatshirt and purple Uggs, and not have anyone judge my less than stellar wardrobe choices.

5.) I’m very thankful for caffiene.

 

ps- if you expect to see warm fuzzy thoughts of thanks coming from me, you have really come to the wrong place. Last November, I thanked Cows for delicious beef and darling boots, grapes that give me wine and assholes that make me look smart.

Sweet I am not.

So, there you have it. Morning rambles of the best kind.