At the tone, the time will be some minutes past the 7 O’clock morning hour. I’m rocking a Mrs. Roper and I’m trying to collect myself for the day.

I’m having a craptastical RA week. My hands ache. My shoulder aches. My ankles are swollen. I’m chewing all of the meds and nothing seems to touch it. I just feel like someone beat the crap out of me with a baseball bat (beat on the brat, beat on the brat). I know this will pass, but holy shit, I was unprepared for what I’m guessing is my second recognizable flare. The first one was right after my birthday, and I could barely use my arms to hook my bra. BTW- wearing a bra is not an option. It’s a life requirement. This one started on Sunday. I woke up feeling off, and when I got home from a delicious overnight trip with some girlfriends, I felt as if I was getting sick in a way. I powered through, hung out with another friend, but knew something was off.

Monday, I was exhausted and noticed a decrease in flexibility in all my joints. The million dollar ankle felt off. My wrists felt weary. I worked a fair amount of hours on Monday, and just pushed through, taking the allocated meds, and hoped for the best.

Yesterday, was not the best. At all. We are just going to leave it at that. It was a long day that ended up with me crying in my car at 11 pm when it was almost impossible for me to be able to do a very basic function.

Today feels less shitty. It’s early yet. I was able to hoist the girls into a boobie basket and hook it (thank you baby Cheesus.) It doesn’t feel great to type, but again, that’s a job requirement. Can’t really navigate around it. My job is a typing job. Siri isn’t quite ready for me. I’ll make this work. I always do.

This isn’t an attention grab, I promise, but more of an explanation as to why I sound so fucking tired when we (the collective) talk on the phone, or daresay, borderline bitchy. I’m trying. I really am. Just give me a day or so. I think it will pass. Screw that, I know it will pass. It has to, right?

In other news, it’s almost the Patriotic holidays. Canada Day and then 4th of July. I shall have country appropriate soundtracks – Canada (BNL/Alanis/Rush?) and ‘Merica (Boston, Kansas, Neil Diamond perhaps?). I shall make appropriate treats to celebrate- Nanaimo bars and Apple Pie. On Saturday, I shall don my tackiest Roots clothing and on Tuesday, I will wear the red rocket pants and possibly something with sequins. Because, you know, ‘Merica. I shall drink both the Tim Hortons AND I don’t know, something American. Like, um, kool-aid? Hell if I know.

Ok… so because this post is literally all over the place (due to stopping three times to make the evil pup STOP what he is doing), I have a question to ask.

Do you love or hate Bruce Springsteens music. I feel like this is a very black and white question. It’s either yes or no. I have my answer, but I’d love for you to let me know how you feel.

Do you ever just wake up in a weird, off, not right mood?

That was me today. I have zero reasons to be snarky before 9 am. First of all, I’m off today. I have a whole day to do “me things”. Secondly,  I have a list of things I want to do. Instead of being excited about these things, I woke up like a grumpy petulant child who probably needed to go back to sleep for 7 more hours.

Odd really.

Thought #1I think I blame the internet. Ya, that’s the ticket. I blame the internet. I woke up, checked in on all the things and saw that our President of these glorious United States is snarking on Germany again. On Twitter. I just shake my head. I’ve gotten bitched at for being snarky on social media and I barely lead a team, much less the damn Free World. How is this OK? Why hasn’t anyone taken away his Twitter account? Why is he allowed to drop thinly veiled threats? Why is he still trying to make the news the enemy? I don’t get it. And frankly, I’m disappointed in Twitter. They have shut down other accounts for less threatening/bullying, and yet, they allow the President to act like a shitty teenager? Clearly, money is more important than creating a platform that has consistent rules for all users.

Thought #2

I don’t know how to take a real day off. Today, I took the day off to get my life together. I work from home so often times I don’t pay attention to the DMZ that my house has become. Sure, I went out of town this weekend, but some days you just need to take a day and do things. It’s annoying to me that I feel guilty about taking a day off. Truthfully, I’ve already checked emails, put out one fire and made sure all of my campaigns are healthy. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? Why can’t I just unplug fully?

Thought #3

I need to cook all of the food this week. I’m headed onto the wagon until I fly north to the BIS. I’m going to eat clean, rebuild my liver, and hope for the best. I have a very specific weight loss goal with a very specific dangling carrot if I lose said weight. Might I dig deep inside me and exercise a small modicum of self-control? Is this even possible? DO I EVEN HAVE ANY SELF CONTROL?

Actually, yes, I do.

I have more self-control than many even can comprehend.

Do you know how many thoughts I leave unspoken?

Do you know how many incredibly inappropriate things I don’t do?

Do you know how many times I’ve wanted to sit in a meeting and just give the single digit salute?

But I don’t. I have self-control. I just need to extend this to my food and mouth.

Actually, my mouth needs to learn a lot of self-control.

I need to speak less.

I need to eat less.

I need to snark less.

I need to get off the damn computer before I start actually saying ALL OF THE THINGS I’m THINKING.

I’m going to go chop fruit, dig dirt and do stuff.

Be good today on this Tuesday. Don’t be a stupid Tweeter.