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Wanderings of the whine type. Or is that wine? I’m unsure

rants June 28, 2017

At the tone, the time will be some minutes past the 7 O’clock morning hour. I’m rocking a Mrs. Roper and I’m trying to collect myself for the day.

I’m having a craptastical RA week. My hands ache. My shoulder aches. My ankles are swollen. I’m chewing all of the meds and nothing seems to touch it. I just feel like someone beat the crap out of me with a baseball bat (beat on the brat, beat on the brat). I know this will pass, but holy shit, I was unprepared for what I’m guessing is my second recognizable flare. The first one was right after my birthday, and I could barely use my arms to hook my bra. BTW- wearing a bra is not an option. It’s a life requirement. This one started on Sunday. I woke up feeling off, and when I got home from a delicious overnight trip with some girlfriends, I felt as if I was getting sick in a way. I powered through, hung out with another friend, but knew something was off.

Monday, I was exhausted and noticed a decrease in flexibility in all my joints. The million dollar ankle felt off. My wrists felt weary. I worked a fair amount of hours on Monday, and just pushed through, taking the allocated meds, and hoped for the best.

Yesterday, was not the best. At all. We are just going to leave it at that. It was a long day that ended up with me crying in my car at 11 pm when it was almost impossible for me to be able to do a very basic function.

Today feels less shitty. It’s early yet. I was able to hoist the girls into a boobie basket and hook it (thank you baby Cheesus.) It doesn’t feel great to type, but again, that’s a job requirement. Can’t really navigate around it. My job is a typing job. Siri isn’t quite ready for me. I’ll make this work. I always do.

This isn’t an attention grab, I promise, but more of an explanation as to why I sound so fucking tired when we (the collective) talk on the phone, or daresay, borderline bitchy. I’m trying. I really am. Just give me a day or so. I think it will pass. Screw that, I know it will pass. It has to, right?

In other news, it’s almost the Patriotic holidays. Canada Day and then 4th of July. I shall have country appropriate soundtracks – Canada (BNL/Alanis/Rush?) and ‘Merica (Boston, Kansas, Neil Diamond perhaps?). I shall make appropriate treats to celebrate- Nanaimo bars and Apple Pie. On Saturday, I shall don my tackiest Roots clothing and on Tuesday, I will wear the red rocket pants and possibly something with sequins. Because, you know, ‘Merica. I shall drink both the Tim Hortons AND I don’t know, something American. Like, um, kool-aid? Hell if I know.

Ok… so because this post is literally all over the place (due to stopping three times to make the evil pup STOP what he is doing), I have a question to ask.

Do you love or hate Bruce Springsteens music. I feel like this is a very black and white question. It’s either yes or no. I have my answer, but I’d love for you to let me know how you feel.



Tuesday Trifling Thoughts

rants May 30, 2017

Do you ever just wake up in a weird, off, not right mood?

That was me today. I have zero reasons to be snarky before 9 am. First of all, I’m off today. I have a whole day to do “me things”. Secondly,  I have a list of things I want to do. Instead of being excited about these things, I woke up like a grumpy petulant child who probably needed to go back to sleep for 7 more hours.

Odd really.

Thought #1I think I blame the internet. Ya, that’s the ticket. I blame the internet. I woke up, checked in on all the things and saw that our President of these glorious United States is snarking on Germany again. On Twitter. I just shake my head. I’ve gotten bitched at for being snarky on social media and I barely lead a team, much less the damn Free World. How is this OK? Why hasn’t anyone taken away his Twitter account? Why is he allowed to drop thinly veiled threats? Why is he still trying to make the news the enemy? I don’t get it. And frankly, I’m disappointed in Twitter. They have shut down other accounts for less threatening/bullying, and yet, they allow the President to act like a shitty teenager? Clearly, money is more important than creating a platform that has consistent rules for all users.

Thought #2

I don’t know how to take a real day off. Today, I took the day off to get my life together. I work from home so often times I don’t pay attention to the DMZ that my house has become. Sure, I went out of town this weekend, but some days you just need to take a day and do things. It’s annoying to me that I feel guilty about taking a day off. Truthfully, I’ve already checked emails, put out one fire and made sure all of my campaigns are healthy. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? Why can’t I just unplug fully?

Thought #3

I need to cook all of the food this week. I’m headed onto the wagon until I fly north to the BIS. I’m going to eat clean, rebuild my liver, and hope for the best. I have a very specific weight loss goal with a very specific dangling carrot if I lose said weight. Might I dig deep inside me and exercise a small modicum of self-control? Is this even possible? DO I EVEN HAVE ANY SELF CONTROL?

Actually, yes, I do.

I have more self-control than many even can comprehend.

Do you know how many thoughts I leave unspoken?

Do you know how many incredibly inappropriate things I don’t do?

Do you know how many times I’ve wanted to sit in a meeting and just give the single digit salute?

But I don’t. I have self-control. I just need to extend this to my food and mouth.

Actually, my mouth needs to learn a lot of self-control.

I need to speak less.

I need to eat less.

I need to snark less.

I need to get off the damn computer before I start actually saying ALL OF THE THINGS I’m THINKING.

I’m going to go chop fruit, dig dirt and do stuff.

Be good today on this Tuesday. Don’t be a stupid Tweeter.






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Creature of Habit + Distraction

rants April 18, 2017

= Disaster.

Period, end of story. Every morning, I wake up and do the same thing.

Every Tuesday (trash day), I water the inside plants, sweep up, and take the trash out.

Daily, upon rude awakening by his royal asshole George, I get up, let the dogs out, grab some type of caffeine source, say “good morning” Alexa and then grab my phone while my brain starts to de-fuz.

Today is Tuesday, therefore, I do three extra things. This should not be complicated. I have been doing some variation of this morning for years. I’m 40.

I wake up, grab a 5 Hour Energy, turn on Alexa (who played a most exceptional song, see below), might have brushed my teeth and I immediately started picking up. I know, I know, I’m weird. Whatever.

So I am going around, picking up any bits of trash for disposal, collected up recycle stuff, and realize I didn’t put up (away) the big ass bag of dog food I purchased last night.

I grab a knife, hack open the bag (because scissors were too far), pick up the bag and dump it into the trash can.

Yes, the trashcan.

At least 25% of the bag of not cheap dog food went into the trash. Meanwhile, the dog food container was literally right behind me. Oh, and yes, I saved most of the food. My dog licks his butt, he can eat trash can food. He is not that delicate.


My brain is not firing on all cylinders.

Admittedly, I’ve got a lot on my mind. I’ve got work, volunteer stuff, social stuff, personal life stuff, etc. I got news this morning from a friend that really threw me for a loop and I think I was just kind of walking around in a haze. Clearly. Normal people do not throw away dog food.

Sometimes it’s worth while to mix it up. Shake up the routine of life. Throw in a little distraction to ensure that you don’t end up walking around chanting ” Ten minutes to Wapner.”

However, this morning, distraction is a little too much. I just threw away dog food. When brushing my teeth, I grabbed moisturizer to place on the tooth brush. Instead of sweeping, I’m typing this.

My brain is full.

Instead of trying to write anymore, I’m going to show you the song that I was listening to this morning. Send some good thoughts my way, at the rate I’m going, it’s entirely probable that I might walk into traffic taking the trash out.


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dear sleep,

rants January 12, 2016

An Open Letter To Sleep:

I miss you.

No, really, I miss you a lot. I miss drifting off to sleep at a normal hour and then STAYING ASLEEP FOR MORE THAN AN HOUR.

Tonight,  I fell asleep at 11:45pm, was up at 12:30,  1:10, 3:15, and then finally gave up the ghost at 4something.


I think lack of sleep is starting to make me ugly. No, really.

I think lack of sleep is the reason my ass is the size of a small planet. NOT my desire to have chips and queso. Or Reeses shaped anything.

I think lack of sleep is making me a bitchy, obsessive human.

I think the nightmares I’m having every single night has something to do with the lack of sleep- Last nights horror movie of sleep involved me a.) getting into a physical altercation with my arch nemesis b.) having my house robbed c.) when driving to a hotel to sleep after my house was robbed, my car was hit repeatedly in the parking lot of the hotel and a note was left on the window “suck it.”

Ya. I’m sure I probably need therapy, or just a REAL NIGHT OF SLEEP.

I’ve taken Lunesta. I’ve taken Nytol, Nyquil, Ambien (I sleep walk/shop), melasomething and tylenol PM. I’ve done sleepy time yoga, breathing exercises, blah blah. NOTHING WORKS. If I drink too late, then sleep is really not going to happen. Translation? I am at a total loss. Tomorrow night, I’m going to try sleeping in another room.

I’ve cut out caffeine after 5pm. I’ve started drinking decaffeinated hot tea. I’ve increased the water consumption. I’ve bought new sheets, new comforter, cozy pj’s. I tried diffusing essential oils in the air of my bedroom. I stopped watching tv in the bedroom. I leave my phones in the other part of the house. Only one of the dogs sleeps on the other side of the bed. He doesn’t even touch me, therefore, I can’t blame him.



I’m really starting to think I’m just going to never sleep again, or at least never get a solid night. I was just exist on a string of naps. I will essentially have to spend a large portion of my income on concealer and pray that no one notices the fact that I’m unable to string together sentences.

See, I would be ok with the lack of sleep if I was responsible for the survival of a baby. You know, those little creatures that rarely sleep when they are supposed to. That would be a justifiable reason for being a cracked out, exhausted maniac.

Me? I have no excuse. I just have nightmares about highly improbable life scenarios and/or lay in bed running through the list of things I forgot to do the day before.







monday, january something, 2015. (amazon part two)

rants January 4, 2016

No, make that 2016.

January 4th?

I don’t even know what day it is/was/going to be.

Here is what I do know to be true. I, Kate Elizabeth, Ruler of the Craptastical Kingdom, hereby declare myself BANNED from Amazon Prime One Click Shopping.

I did it again. And again, and Again. I’ve done it before, and ended up with a super luxurious faux fur blanket (read about it here) , and welp, I need to compose myself before I list what I purchased in the past 10 days.

Note to all: Pain pills, a dash of alcohol and mind-numbing boredom from Das Boot end up in a stack of items from the ‘Zon unlike any other.

Therefore, by the grace of my debit card, for the betterment of my checking account, and/or credit score, I have detached one click shopping from my phone(s), laptop(s), iPad, tablet, and tv. NO MORE. FOR THE LOVE. NO MORE.

I just looked at my Amazon orders for 2015- 95 orders. 95. WHAT THE BLOODY HELL did I need 95 orders worth of things?

Oh yes. Let me tell you.

I ordered Step Brothers. The digital download.

I ordered black denim jeggings. Please judge me.

I ordered 12 cans of green beans.

I used Amazon Prime now to deliver a box of gold fish crackers and diet coke, because I am a lazy ho.

I ordered a 12 inch snowman glitter ornament. Two nights ago.

I ordered leopard print treat bags.

I ordered 45 packs of post it notes.

PEOPLE- these are the high/low lights. I don’t even know.  A floral potty training bell?

I love Amazon so, because it enables me to buy crap I didn’t know I needed and without leaving the house. When they start wine/booze delivery, I’m 110% hosed.





ps. my foot hurts

pss. i need to get out of the boot and working out, otherwise, I’m going to fulfill the prophecy that is this post