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all the things i’ve done

manifestos September 19, 2016

Since June.

I mean, I literally let an entire season pass without updating this blog. IN FACT, I had forgotten about the existence of said blog until this morning and while brushing my teeth thought “oh holy shit, I should probably update this thing.”

So, here is the scoop of all the things that have happened since June.

I worked.

I slept.

I went to Michigan.

I fractured the ankle.


I yelled at George.

I forgot how to cook.

I broke up with a memory.

I spent the night in St. Louis twice.

I tried to go see Precious Moments Museum and failed.

I drafted not one, but two fantasy football leagues.

I make ongoing questionable life choices.

I’ve held at least 3 babies.

I sustained from Junior League.

I drank a glass of champagne. Or four. Or whatever.

I went to Austin.

I went to Dallas.

I went to Fort Worth.


Seriously, that’s about it.

It’s a blah little life. I’m currently pondering life and all of the intricacies. I wish I could say that I hit my goals before I’m 40, but well, that is just not going to happen. I can’t pretend to say that I’m ok with all aspects of my life, but it is my life. I do have a borderline cute house that is in need of a good scrubbing, and I have two fuzzy pups that keep me from running away forever.

I did learn this summer that it’s ok to say “enough” to a shitty situation and just leave.

I did remember this summer that there is still a lot of life to live.

I remembered this weekend that it’s ok to be honest and say “i’m having a shitty day and that’s ok.”

I also remembered at some point this morning that I probably should just go on more adventures. Find the change that I’ve been seeking. Be a little more selfish. Blah blah yackity smackity.

As of today, I am closer to 40 than I am to 30. I have no idea what that is supposed to mean, or how I am supposed to react to the changing of a decade. I mean, sure, I would have liked the construct of my life to be different as I head into a new decade, but let’s face it- some people appear to have that very thing and we know that a portion of the public portrayal is total and utter bullshit.

I think that’s what I finally figured out this summer. Sometimes you have to be ok with the life that you are handed, and you just have to live for yourself, not anyone else. (or what you think you should do to keep up appearances)

Life is entirely too fucking short to live in mediocrity. I look towards the upcoming season change to create some change of my own. The fact that I can sit here and rattle off the essential nothing that I’ve done over the past 3 months is just stupid.

PS- I woke up with an tone this morning, because it’s HOT. I mean, it’s going to 99 degrees today. I’d say “let’s run away to some fall like destination”, but it appears that mother nature has had a total and utter hotflash and can’t figure out where she put her hormones. If Michigan is going to be 85 degrees today, there is just no running away.

Will one of you hold me accountable to updating this blog a few times a week?

I do have things to talk about, I honestly just forget to head over here.

Oh, and I did fall in love with this song this weekend, which was technically still in the summer, so it’s borderline ok to include in this wrap-up.





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stuff & nonsense

manifestos June 2, 2016

If I do die, please someone take care of the dogs, and please write a good obit that references my love for leopard print, charitable acts of snark, and my quest for the perfect slice of apple pie. oh and the fact that i am a barren spinster. please & thank you.


diamond starbursts and/or sparkling halls

manifestos May 28, 2016

warning… this post is being crafted AFTER taking a rather large cocktail of all of the drugs that I’ve been tasked to take, so bear with… ok?

So, it’s Saturday night, 9 days after having my face jackhammered. I’m feeling  better, but still not quite where I feel like I should be. Everyone, including the nurse, the doctor and my friends keep reminding me


a new adventure in homekeeping

manifestos April 9, 2016

dear internet,

i’m starting a new quest.

a quest for home domination.

i’m typically a failure in all things homekeeping, but together with Martha , her book and sheer will to turn my house from craptastic to fantastic (ohh, poetry), I’m going to tackle the Little House on Lavender Lane.

stay tuned for updates.

this should be a doozy.


The Fine Art of Adulting

manifestos February 8, 2016

I sit here this morning, surrounded by notes, spreadsheets, black dogs and a bottle of antacids.

I realized about 30 minutes ago that in one month, I shall be 39.

If you read nothing more than the following sentence, you will understand my mood this morning. Being a grown up sucks.

I realized yesterday, after a difficult battle with the Craptastical Life Budget, that a summer vacation in Michigan is not really in the cards. Correction, my plan to spend a month in a cottage on a lake, with the dog Jeffersons is not in the cards. I will head home for a few minutes this summer, but not quite in the way I had fantasized about doing.

I came to the butt clenching realization yesterday that my long overdue, much needed surgery on my ears, nose and sinuses is going to cost me a fortune and therefore, I shouldn’t plan a big ass vacation and still expect to be able to do the things I need to do in the house.

Speaking of the house, I finally took down the final “holiday” tree and have a big gaping hole of boring in my primary living area.

I also walked around the house yesterday updating the list of house shit that must be done in order for me to tolerate living here. Cork floor in the kitchen (btw, cork floors in the kitchen is the stupidest thing ever) must be ripped up. The mother trucking hole in the ceiling of my bedroom MUST be gone by the time I have my face surgically attacked on St. Patricks day.  All doors need to be touched up. It’s amazing to me that I could ignore things for a year or so, and suddenly become Rainman like obsessed with improvements.

My jeans are suffocating me. There has to be an adjustment of calories consumed, calories burned and for the love of all that is good and holy, PUT DOWN THE DIPS.

Put another way, I woke up this morning and realized that I need to attend to the order of grown up living, and eschew the fantasy that I am still 21 years old playing in Northern Michigan for the summer.

To put a positive spin on things: Professionally, things are looking up. My checkbook doesn’t look like someone bled out a pig all over the register. All of the bills for the month of February are paid before the middle of the month, despite a wild internet shopping ride earlier last week.

It’s time to get it together Craptastic Girl. It’s time to prioritize, budget, make a list, and get things done. Eat an apple instead of queso. Go for a walk instead of playing Candy Crush. Work smarter, not ADD crazy psycho me. Make a plan to finish up the Volunteer year, execute that plan and transition to the incoming person. Take 10 minutes and send out a few thank you cards to people that make your life more awesome.

This is the one life that I get. I am an adult, there is no denying it. It’s time to move and do and be legendary. Ok, I might have been watching an episode of How I Met Your Mother this morning and I’ve got Barney Stinson on the brain.

Bottom line… being a grown up isn’t easy, but frankly, despite the traumatic every day moments (paying taxes, prepping for Income Taxes, soliciting work, etc), I’d rather be where I am today than where I was 10 years ago.

Honestly, I can’t wait to jump into my 39th year. I think this is the year where I’m going to expertly execute a Triple Sow Cow Adult Toe Pick.


As you were.




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