Browsing Category

manifestos

In My Next Life

manifestos January 27, 2014
Read Time1 Minute, 7 Second

I want to come back as a dog. Specifically, a dog that I support and/or one of my friends “supports.”

My dogs.

Oh, my dogs.

Sweet natured, mostly quiet dogs who are big lumps of lazy. Especially on cold days like today, the laziness is really high. It’s as if they know it’s horribly windy outside, and they just hit the snooze button.

wpid-20140127_131938.jpg

ALL DAY LONG.

Don’t get me wrong- they woke up, ate breakfast, went outside for 32 seconds.  Upon return into the household, the marathon napping continued.

There were brief interruptions when the big one, Gus, decided that he wanted to dig out a Kong that he hasn’t touched in three years. He woke up, went right to the toy box and grabbed it. Like he was saving it for a special day.

wpid-20140127_105713.jpg

Weezie woke up at one point to deal with the squirrel that is hanging out in our eave.

They are both napping loudly right now. Loudly? Yes, both dogs of labradorian lineage are snoring loud enough that a participant on my last call heard Gusters train like snoring.

So, in conclusion, I want to be a dog.

They have the option to wear cute clothes, OR walk around naked.

They can pee wherever they want.

People think they are mostly adorable.

So ya, I want to be a dog.

0 0
Happy
Happy
0 %
Sad
Sad
0 %
Excited
Excited
0 %
Sleppy
Sleppy
0 %
Angry
Angry
0 %
Surprise
Surprise
0 %

Procrastination at it’s finest

manifestos January 20, 2014
Read Time1 Minute, 33 Second

I sit here on my back patio today finally breaking down and writing a much overdue blog post.

For over a week now, I’ve been trying to write a fitting blog that memorializes the death of my farmer friend John. I’ve started it about 15 times and am unable to come to completion.

This year has been filled with death. I know of four people that have passed away since the beginning of the year. I hope that this isn’t going to be the trend of 2014. Not cool. Not cool.

This morning, my best friend Caren sent me a message that one of our former coworkers passed away. She articulates it well over HERE. Rodney was a cool dude. He taught me how to bust my ass with the least amount of energy expended. He taught me how to diplomatically delegate crap that I didn’t really want to do. He had a penchant for Newports and teeny Lithuanian women. He used to bust my balls about my current man of the minute, and I remember laughing with him when we would work the shitstorm of the Grand Luncheon Buffet together. Oh, GLB.

Life is short.

Life is precious.

Lately, I’ve been hyper focused on doing what means something to me, as opposed to doing what “looks” right or fits in the big plan. I don’t really have a big strategic life plan right now. I wake up, do what I need to do, play with my dogs, and do things that make my heart full. Selfish, quite possibly, but after 36 years, I realized that I need to define my own happiness, and not wait for a job, a man, or a random to hand it to me.

 

That being said, I’m still banking on winning the library so I can fully articulate my life of leisure.

0 0
Happy
Happy
0 %
Sad
Sad
0 %
Excited
Excited
0 %
Sleppy
Sleppy
0 %
Angry
Angry
0 %
Surprise
Surprise
0 %

The Plague

manifestos January 9, 2014
Read Time1 Minute, 22 Second

This time last week, I had a nasty stomach bug. I originally thought it was food poisoning, but it ended up being a crappy (pun intended) virus transferred to me by one of my little buddies. 30 long hours later, I was feeling better.

Coming back north over the weekend, I started to feel my allergies, ergo, my sinuses start to feel ick.

Yesterday, I was coughing and really wanted to rip off my nose. You know, take care of the allergen issues once and for all.

This morning, I woke up without a voice, and I can’t believe I’m typing this, my stomach feels like it did last week.

Do I just bleach my house from top to bottom?

Could I just be slowly dying for Texas Seasonal Allergies?

PS- please, please, please don’t google “the plague.” You will see things you can never unsee.
But seriously, why can’t I get 100% better? Is there a plague in my house? I’m slowly starting to clean everything with Lysol. And bleach. Lotsa bleach. Bleaching my sheets right now. Soaking my bathroom in bleach. Lysoling all of the counter tops.

 

Is it possible that this is just in my head? That I really feel ok, but I’m just crazy? Is it possible that the medicine I take daily for allergies is just useless?  Has my body rejected everything and is saying “screw you Kate, we give up?

 

My goal- take the mission critical phone call today at 10. Nap. Post for my clients. Nap. Optimize a few accounts. Nap. Last call at 4:30. Go to bed.

0 0
Happy
Happy
0 %
Sad
Sad
0 %
Excited
Excited
0 %
Sleppy
Sleppy
0 %
Angry
Angry
0 %
Surprise
Surprise
0 %

The Anti Elf on a Shelf

manifestos November 24, 2013
Read Time3 Minute, 10 Second

This morning, before Icemageddon hit the DFW metroplex, I ventured to Target (you really do have to pronounce it TARJAY if you are going to be my friend. )

I needed a big box of salt, heavy whipping cream, light bulbs (still can’t find the one I want), and a few odds and ends. You know, the way it goes at Target.

I found myself wandering through the books/cds/dvd area, when I saw it.

The bane of my existence  – post Thanksgiving and up until Christmas eve.

The damn Elf on a Shelf.

Stupid Elf on a Shelf

The Elf On A Shelf

Few thoughts on this dude.

1.) He has a creepy look. Seriously, he looks like he should be driving a cargo van and smells like Drakkar. I hate, hate, hate the Elf on the shelf.

2.) He costs, are you ready for this … $30. $30 bucks to dangle this thing in front of your kid to insure that they are being good during the last month prior to Christmas? $29.90? Holy crap, that blew me away. I thought it would be $10 bucks, max. AND Now, you can buy a “girl” version and for another $10 bucks you can buy her a skirt. Like this dude doesn’t look a little light in the loafers anyways? $40 dollars for a “lasting family tradition.”

3.) People that get into Elfing kinda scare me. I mean, there are women that create elaborate scenes each day. I can barely brush my hair each day, DON’T have any kids and yet, these women create ice rinks in the middle of their toilets for their little darlings to find each day.

4.) And what the hell happened to “you better be good, or Santa is going to bring you a big ole bunch of nothing?” Why does Santa need an elaborate communication with a slightly pervy looking elf to report back? Why do we need to negotiate with the terrorists, sic, children these days? I mean, we have letters, emails, videos to Santa, endless opportunities to message with the big guy, and now we need a creepy elf stalking you to ensure that you don’t act the total fool?

Nonsense.

Stuff and Nonsense.

All of that being said, I bring you, Ezra the Elf.

Ezra, the Anti Elf on the Shelf.

Ezra, the Anti Elf on the Shelf.

 

According to Jewish teachings, Ezra means “helper.” I thought that would be the perfect name for my Anti-Elf on the Shelf helper.

Here is the plan:

 

When we get around to it this Holiday Season, you will see Ezra completing a variety of tasks.

There may or may not be pictures.

Most likely, Ezra will have a drinking problem.

 

I would like to point out a few things:

 

1.) Ezra doesn’t have a creepy face

2.) Ezra cost less than $4 bucks.

3.) Ezra looks jolly AND has his arms up to help. I don’t know where the Elf on the Shelfs arms have been. Seriously, that dude gives me the creeps.

As it is one month today from Christmas Eve, Ezra and I are plotting our version of world domination today with boozy beverages. Don’t judge. Santa doesn’t like prissy judges. Don’t make me have to launch Ezra on a “no judgey” campaign between now and the 25th of December.

To manage your expectations, Ezra isn’t going to be doing anything miraculous. It’s not how he rolls. He isn’t going to be changing the organization of my house. Who has time for that? Instead, Ezra will be here pointing out things, and generally finding mirth in this morning mimosa.

We’ve got to go get ready for Thanksgivikkuh. See you later.

 

 

 

 

 

0 0
Happy
Happy
0 %
Sad
Sad
0 %
Excited
Excited
0 %
Sleppy
Sleppy
0 %
Angry
Angry
0 %
Surprise
Surprise
0 %

a football inspired manifesto

manifestos November 17, 2013
Read Time1 Minute, 34 Second

lionscover

 

#1. I love the Detroit Lions

#2. I love Fox Football Sunday

#3. Terry Bradshaw Makes Me Happy.

 

The Detroit Lions are #1 in their Division. SUCK IT PACK. Da Bears? We got you. Twice. Do the Da Bears Dance Now… Even Swersky can’t spin this one.

We are ten days away from the day that typically the Lions ruin for me. Thanksgiving. Every year, I cry a little bit with the loss.

There is hope.

Lotsa hope.

 

Football makes me happy for more than 17 weeks.

It gives me something to focus on, talk about and enjoy.

That being said, I’m pouting right now, with the shitty Redskins and craptastical Eagles playing on my Fox local station. Side note, I really don’t think craptastical is a word to describe the Eagles, but I like to bait my friend David. He is an Eagle fan. Bless his heart.

At this very moment, we are about to play Rapelesburger and the Steelers. Theoretically we are playing, although I don’t get that game. Perhaps my bad juju of watching losing games will help us here. Maybe my lack of watching will cause a win.

 

I’m sucking it pretty hard this year in Fantasy Football. I assumed ownership of a cursed team. Seriously cursed. The last two people who have owned this team have either a.) landed in jail or b.) gone bat crap crazy. It wasn’t shocking that within 2 weeks of me taking over this team, I lost my job. Seriously. I blame it all on that team.

 

I still can’t believe the Lions are doing so well. It warms the cockles of my semi-bitter heart.

I can’t hold my breath that the playoffs are a possiblity, but if they do- I’m hosting a party at my house. Chili, Beer, Fresh Homemade Pretzels.

 

So there you go.

lionskate

 

0 0
Happy
Happy
0 %
Sad
Sad
0 %
Excited
Excited
0 %
Sleppy
Sleppy
0 %
Angry
Angry
0 %
Surprise
Surprise
0 %