Since my new journey began in September, I knew that there was going to be a point where the scales tipped and I would suddenly get busier that I expected. That tipping point was this past week. Proposals that had been months in the making suddenly were coming alive. Projects were insanely hectic. Clients were actively engaged. It was a week. This was by far, the busiest week in terms of billables, so for that, I’m thrilled. The only downside is that I was just damn tired by the time Saturday morning rolled around.
I was talking to a friend late Friday night, or maybe it was last night, not sure, but the gist of the conversation was that I was just simply out of words. Out of words to say, to type, to converse. Typically, I’m a rather social person, but this weekend I just craved solitude. Still do. If I have my way, I’m going to be on my own until I walk into a clients office tomorrow morning at 10am. Oh yes, a client that I used to have three years ago, who called me back for a refresher project. I’m happy about that, but cautiously aware of my own energy levels. I know that the next week is going to be busier than the last, and the trend will continue for at least the next 6 weeks.
Recently, I’ve started to notice that I’ve become very selfish of my own, non billable time. I used to shove each day with everything I could possibly do, but recently I’ve been scaling back at my attempts at becoming Wonder Woman. I find no joy in being so busy that I need to refer to my schedule to see when I can pee. Instead, I’ve been more selective of what I do. When I work. When I play. When I volunteer. When I binge watch 6 episodes of House of Cards, and now, at the moment, The Avengers for the eleventeenth time.
I used to want to be everything to everyone.
Now I just want to be a calmer, kinder version of me that enjoys all the moments. Life is entirely too short and fragile to do otherwise. I realize that over the years, my aspirations have changed, my goals redefined, my priorities adjusted. Probably getting smacked with the C word twice does that to you, but I also believe that as I get a little older, I’m somewhat smarter in my allocation of the same 24 hours that we are each provided.
This weekend was glorious- I putzed in the dirt. I played in the kitchen. I laundered the dog beds. I watched way too much tv, and more importantly, I recharged my batteries.
I’ll be back to being me tomorrow. For the rest of the day today, I’m just going to be.
And that’s ok.