While I was on the treadmill this morning, I started thinking about blog topics for the week. I probably should have been paying more attention to my own ass on the treadmill. Side note, in an effort to “up” my pace, I took my speed to 4.5mph… Within 2 seconds, I took a weird step, and literally went backwards off the treadmill. Yes, I did the idiot move and slid off the treadmill. To find a little humor in the situation, I totally Mary Katherine Gallagher’ed in up… I will give the sweet guy next to me some credit for not busting a total side laughing at me. Instead, he side eyed me and said “you ok?”
Which brings me to this blog topic today- the Alphabet Blog. Every now and then, I’m going to work through the alphabet and throw a “theme” out there. Today is brought to you by the letter A. You know A for Awesome.
Over the years, my “awesomeness” has taken on a Barney Stinson “legendary” like quality. And by awesome, I mean, incredibly clutzy, uncoordinated, awkward awesomeness.
My path to awesomeness probably started when I was 3 years old, wearing brand new saddle shoes, and I broke my arm walking on the floor. Yep, didn’t trip, didn’t run. Just walked, fell and broke an arm.
I’ve hurt myself so many times over the year out of sheer idiocracy, that I barely notice any longer. Did I ever tell y’all about the time that I cracked my head open on a tampon machine? Yep, in high school, while on a debate (or forensics) weekend, I was in the ladies bathroom, hiking up my tights, and i blasted my head on the nasty tampon machine. I don’t remember if stitches were necessary, but the sheer mortification of the incident lives on and on. And on.
During my younger years in Austin, a night wouldn’t be complete if I didn’t bust my ass at least one time per night. Sometimes, the damn cracks on the street would attack me. Other times, I would fall off bar stools. One of my favorite moments of that era was trying to walk up somewhat tall stairs and falling down a flight. Sober. Totally sober.
Let us not forget the memorable fall my freshman year of college. I was running up (or down) three flights of stairs in my dorm. Wearing, and I’ll never forget this, a plaid mini skirt, tights and a pair of Doc Martin shoes. Sexy picture isn’t is? I fell down at least two flights, and was found by campus security. With my skirt up around my waist. ALSO totally sober.
Bottom line, I’ve never been the most graceful of humans, instead, find myself happily clumsy and more awesome each year.
My goal for this week- to keep the awesome at a controllable level and mitigate any trips to the ER.