Browsing Date

April 2017

Miss Franklin, We Have to Talk

manifestos April 20, 2017

Picture this. Lavender Lane, 5:30am.

Queen of Craptastical (ahem), is sweeping up piles of dog hair and scrubbing a toilet. You know, living the glamorous life.

The 5 Hour Energy not nearly kicked in, I decided to layer some good music to my morning. Naturally, I yelled out to Alexa “Play Aretha.”

Alexa and I are on a first name basis with Miss Franklin in the morning, by the way.

So, RESPECT comes on, and it gets me shaking my money maker as I am silently cursing owning not one but two dogs of labradorian lineage. I’m singing at the top of my lungs :

“Or you might walk in (respect, just a little bit)
And find out I’m gone (just a little bit)
I got to have (just a little bit)
A little respect (just a little bit)”

It felt good. Empowering. A woman who takes no shit. A woman who will call a 21 year old in the dead of the night during a snow storm to go pick up something to eat. THAT, in itself is another story.

So, I was feeling my morning groove Miss Franklin. Feeling it. Scrubbing the house. Mentally making a plan for the day. Getting ready to go kick some ass, take names and blah blah blah. I was getting ready to take the bad dog for a walk when this gem comes on the Echo:

And Miss Franklin, I’m sorry, but this song made me ANGRY.

You are Aretha EFFING FRANKLIN. You don’t tap on some schmucks door that walked out. YOU walk away.  I have loved this song my ENTIRE life. I never really listened to the lyrics before. I mean, I knew the lyrics by heart, but I never really paid attention until this morning. Miss Franklin, I got angry.

You are a bad ass. You do not:

“I’m gonna swallow my pride
I’m gonna beg you to (please baby please) see me”

Screw that.

Context:

I’ve spent the better part of my adult waiting for some schmuck to come back to me. There, I said it. I waited for him to magically realize that I was the one. I tolerated so much bad behavior out of the modern day Peter Pan that it embarrasses me. My musical hero has basically always told me that I should just wait until he comes back. That I should just say a little prayer for him. Miss Franklin, I don’t understand how you can belt out RESPECT in one breath and then croon the following:

“Living for you my dear
Is like living in a world of constant fear
In my plea, I’ve got to make you see
That our love is dying
Although your phone you ignore”

 

Listening to these songs this morning with open ears is a little bit like finding out that Santa Claus is just really your OCD mother who spends hours obsessively wrapping everything in white tissue paper. It’s just kind of a let down. I know it’s just music. I know this is your job to entertain.

Frankly, the message sucks.

As a single female, we get a ton of shit tossed our ways. The side glances, the pity. The lack of invitations to couples weekends. The “your standards are too high.” “You are too picky.” OH MY GOD, the list goes on and on and on. We are constantly told that we will not be complete until we have some partner that fulfills our plus one. It’s the societal norm ya know. Forget the fact that guys do NOT get the same level of shit for being equally single.

It just kinda sucks to hear you singing :

“Why did you have to decide
You had to set me free
I’m gonna swallow my pride
I’m gonna beg you to (please baby please) see me”

No, I’m not going to swallow my pride. Screw that. If some dude wants to see me, he knows where to find me. Miss Franklin, I’m kinda done with this shit.

ps.. you know I still love you long time and I will happily deliver a canned ham basket to you any day. Just say the word. I apologize for my tone, but this just made me hangry. Have a good day Miss Franklin. I hope you are fabulous.

 

Signed,

Feeling Sassy

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Creature of Habit + Distraction

rants April 18, 2017

= Disaster.

Period, end of story. Every morning, I wake up and do the same thing.

Every Tuesday (trash day), I water the inside plants, sweep up, and take the trash out.

Daily, upon rude awakening by his royal asshole George, I get up, let the dogs out, grab some type of caffeine source, say “good morning” Alexa and then grab my phone while my brain starts to de-fuz.

Today is Tuesday, therefore, I do three extra things. This should not be complicated. I have been doing some variation of this morning for years. I’m 40.

I wake up, grab a 5 Hour Energy, turn on Alexa (who played a most exceptional song, see below), might have brushed my teeth and I immediately started picking up. I know, I know, I’m weird. Whatever.

So I am going around, picking up any bits of trash for disposal, collected up recycle stuff, and realize I didn’t put up (away) the big ass bag of dog food I purchased last night.

I grab a knife, hack open the bag (because scissors were too far), pick up the bag and dump it into the trash can.

Yes, the trashcan.

At least 25% of the bag of not cheap dog food went into the trash. Meanwhile, the dog food container was literally right behind me. Oh, and yes, I saved most of the food. My dog licks his butt, he can eat trash can food. He is not that delicate.

Sigh.

My brain is not firing on all cylinders.

Admittedly, I’ve got a lot on my mind. I’ve got work, volunteer stuff, social stuff, personal life stuff, etc. I got news this morning from a friend that really threw me for a loop and I think I was just kind of walking around in a haze. Clearly. Normal people do not throw away dog food.

Sometimes it’s worth while to mix it up. Shake up the routine of life. Throw in a little distraction to ensure that you don’t end up walking around chanting ” Ten minutes to Wapner.”

However, this morning, distraction is a little too much. I just threw away dog food. When brushing my teeth, I grabbed moisturizer to place on the tooth brush. Instead of sweeping, I’m typing this.

My brain is full.

Instead of trying to write anymore, I’m going to show you the song that I was listening to this morning. Send some good thoughts my way, at the rate I’m going, it’s entirely probable that I might walk into traffic taking the trash out.

 

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everyone has a story

random me April 14, 2017

Morning. Greetings from the sleep deprived. I’m 99% sure the only reason I’m not sleeping is the fact that I am UNABLE to turn my brain off these days. It’s not a new phenomenon, but it’s annoying.

A week or so ago, I was having dinner with some friends and one of the women said: “it’s my story, and I’ll tell it when I’m ready.” Now, the point of this entry is NOT to tell her story but to ponder on the fact that each of us has our own story to tell.

It is so easy to get caught up in the day to day minutiae of life. It is so easy to get mired into the oh-s0-daily schwag of life. It’s easy to think that your stuff is bigger than everyone else. Or at least for me, it is easy to do so.

At about 3:00 am this morning, I was laying in bed- too tired to be productive, but too awake to sleep. I started running through the Rolodex of my people, pondering some of the information that they have shared with me. Often times, what is not said is more important than what is actually said. You have to listen to find the full story.

So easily we portray a tale of perfection via all of these obnoxious social media outlets we have at our disposal. So easily we launch a whine of epic proportions out to the atmosphere. Sometimes we need to vent, sometimes, we just want to get it off our chest. And sometimes, we just want to see if anyone is actually listening. Is someone following along with the story of our lives?

I’ve tried to be a better listener lately. Tried to quiet the constant shitstorm of inner monologue and be more present when I’m with my people. Listen to people talk about weight loss goals and not to interject my lifelong battle with the big ass. Listen to people quietly mention challenges that they are experiencing in their relationships. Listen to the tales of relationships. (Maybe I’ll learn something?)

Sometimes we just need to listen.

Sometimes we need to just be quiet and listen to the tale that is being told.

The older I get, I realize that the big ole happy ending that we have been conditioned to expect is sadly, not the reality, instead, we just need to enjoy the journey.

Sidenote, this particular story was somewhat derailed as I looked up to find Georgie the Terrible running around the house with a fresh roll of toilet paper, effectively “rolling” the little house on Lavender. Sigh.

Back to the point.

My story, ever changing and mostly chaotic, is not the only one. We all have a story. Next time you are with someone, put down the phone, look at your friend and just listen. They might have something important to say.

 

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