Browsing Date

September 2015

In Theory

manifestos September 30, 2015

Everything is a-o-k. Or is that A-ok? You know your day is going to be epic when you literally fall out of bed. Yes, I fell out of bed this morning. I had, after a night of dreadful nightmares, got totally twisted up in my sheets. I got up to let the Black Cat Chasing Dog out… a cat had dared to come on property, and BOOM, I hit the ground like a ton of well, bricks.


Oh, I’m ok. I mean, I have cushion, but come on. Really? Fall out of bed at the age of 29? (Challenge me on my age and I most likely will punch you in your lower region.)


Everything is going to be all right. After picking myself up, I stumbled to the bathroom to survey the previous days aging. Yes, I look every morning for signs of seriously advanced aging. This mornings revelations were striking. I’ve got a SERIOUS need for de-sparkling of the head, and despite 6 hours of sleep, I look somewhat like a zombie. I hauled out the big guns this morning- the super expensive “face brightening formula” and prayed that I don’t see anyone right away this morning. But, the opposite of aging is death, so I guess I’ll take my 80% head of grey, and the new weird wrinkles by my eyes. And the bags. Dear sweet jesus, the bags under my eyes are awesome. But, they are indications that I am fighting the good fight and i’m here.

So, in theory, everything is ok.

Everything is ok with work. I mean, I woke up this morning to 42 emails since midnight about a project I’m working on. I have skypes from 4 developers and a client- and it’s not even 7am. We are alive and kicking and that is worth celebrating, not bitching.

Other random things I’m dwelling on this morning:

1.) I want to put a pink streak in my hair, but alas, I can’t. I have to present tomorrow to a group of advisors, so ya, that might diminish impact if I add fuschia to the hair.

2.) Eminems “Survivor” is my theme song today. It’s a pretty good hype song.

3.) I kinda miss The Dixie Chicks.

4.)  I have been dressed to work out for 1.5 hours, and yet, I’m sitting here, in my office, going down a music rabbit hole on Spotify and blogging. If you look up productive on the interwebs, somewhere there is a picture of moi. But I must work out. I have but one body and blah blah blah, yackity smackity.

So, in theory, life is just peachy keen. I have work, I have a big ass event on Sunday. I have overbooked myself today, tomorrow and well, for the next 5 days.

I want coffee, I want a hug.


That’s all.



Fly Away Snowbird… Fly Away

manifestos September 25, 2015

I have decided that I want to become a “snowbird”.

Don’t know what a snowbird is? Let me explicate:

According to Wikipedia, a snowbird is “A snowbird is a term often associated with people who move from the higher latitudes and colder climates of the northern USA and Canada and migrate southward in winter to warmer locales such as Florida, California, Hawaii, Arizona, Texas, or elsewhere along the Sun Belt of the southern United States, Mexico, and areas of theCaribbean.”



See, I already have part of it ready to go. 365 days of the year, I live in the Great State of Texas. Yes, it is great, but there are parts to Texas that causes me great consternation.

Example 1: I’ve decided, with the assistance of my go-to sources of all things medical, that I am by & large allergic to Texas. Summer months kill me. I mean, I am a walking whining snot factory, and let’s face it, that is not cute.


Example 2: Texas Summers make me want to shove my body into a freezer and/or become a hermit. I do not enjoy the feelings of knee sweat, nor do I relish the idea of nearly suffocating myself when I get into my car in the middle of the afternoon for the rest of my life.



Resolution: Work my ass off to get to the point where I can split my time between Michigan & Texas. Maybe get a little place on one of the real lakes (not man-made), embrace a Michigan summer and early fall (apple picking anyone?) and then haul ass back to Texas for the rest of Fall, Winter and early spring. It’s not a horrible idea, right?


Granted, there are some financial requirements that I’m working on. You know, the ability to own two houses, when currently owning one occasionally sucks my will to live.  My simple plan is this: buy a lotto ticket. That surely will be the key to being able to afford to houses. My savings (heh) are less than stellar, but a goal is a goal, right?


In the meantime, I’m going to keep on working my big ole ass off in an effort to save some scheckles. Not sure when this will happen. Maybe I’ll start with a summer rental and see if this makes sense.

Maybe I will hate being in Michigan in the summer. I mean, come on, maybe I will miss 100 degree days with 80% humidity. Seems totally logical to me, right? Because this looks horrible…


So these are my deep thoughts I felt like sharing this morning. Deep might not be the right word, but it’s a word and I’m sticking to it!


PS- Amy B, I love you girl and thinking about you daily. Cancer sucks elephant balls and with your inner strength, determination and sheer will, I know that you will battle this cancer with grace and kindness.




In the immortal words of Steve Miller Band…

manifestos September 23, 2015

I’m a smoker, a joker, a midnight toker…

Ok, so, maybe just a joker today.

I bring you this manifesto today to discuss how very much cancer sucks monkey balls. Actually, scratch that, more than monkey balls. Elephant balls.

See, I’m particularly annoyed with the “cancer” again, because it’s shown up at the doorstep of my friend Amy. Amy kicked off the craptastical journey of chemo to kick “the effing cancer” yesterday and I want her to know that I love her and support her and all of the warm fuzzy thoughts. So, my promise to her was that I was going to write MORE during her journey to keep her spirits lifted with my shallow thoughts and snark. It’s not much, but I can do THIS. The point of this story is to say that cancer sucks, chemo blows and Amy my friend, we are with you each step of the way!


So, this brings us to todays diatribe. Folks, at 5:47am, you can officially say that I jumped the shark. Nay, sold my soul to the devil and have officially become my mother. Yes, you read that right, I BECAME MY MOTHER this morning.

See, today is the fucking fabulous first day of fall. (Lovely fall alliteration there, huh?). I celebrate fall because I hail from a land of the BEST FALL IN THE ENTIRE WORLD, and I currently live in a state that often times FORGETS TO HAVE FALL. Despite the tempestuous relationship that I have with fall, every year, I hug, nay, squeal at the arrival of the first day of fall and decorate my house oh-so-slightly in Autumn style.

mefallBullshit. I’m going to call bullshit on myself this morning. Oh-so-slightly? How about I put up a FREAKING “AUTUMN” TREE, dispersed 25 ceramic/glass pumpkins and owls throughout the house and wait for it… wait for it… the reason I have officially become my mother. At 5:47am, I was taking down my perfectly lovely white waffle-cloth shower curtain in the primary bathroom and replaced it with ones that bear the subtle tones of fall. THEN, I swapped out my bath mat and rug. THEN, I swapped out a basket for a more rustic Longaberger basket for the counter. Not to keep anything fecking simple, I then hung two pictures. AT 5:47am CST.

With hammer in mid-swing, I realized that I have gone to the dark side, and there is clearly no going back. All of these years, I’ve been fighting this very thing, and with a simple swing of a pink hammer, I realize that I have failed in my quest for individuality and well, NOT TURNING INTO MY MOTHER.

There you have it. My admission of the day. My failure as an individual.

What next? Am I going to start sitting on the porch and critiquing my neighbors? Oh hell….

Have a good day everyone, and Amy, I love ya!



good news & bad news

manifestos September 22, 2015

The good news is that i’m clearly not going to die. Well, i mean, I’m probably going to die at some point, but not this week.

The bad news is yesterday,  after 4 glorious vertigo free hours, I decided to do something crazy, like knit and sent myself back into a horrible, wobbly place of spins and moving floors.

Lucky for me, I had a few friends over, and they got really bossy with me. Have you ever had a 5 foot tall pregnant woman boss you around? You don’t mess with that. An almost 6 ft red head tell you to SIT down? Who is going to argue with that? I didn’t. I plunked down on the couch and let Kelly and Emily do their thing. Which, included, cleaning up my kitchen, yelling at me to sit down and staring at me until I went to bed. I love them. Also, included into todays love fest is Kristen, who brought Chik-fil-A and that was perfect.

I got into bed and thankfully, I was able to find center within an hour and happily fell asleep. Got about 6 hours last night and feel mostly normal this morning. Going to try something crazy called showering and doing my hair, just to rediscover the routine.

Other things of note:

Tomorrow is the first day of fall. That knowledge alone makes everything better.

I have so much work to do today, that I’m weeping on the inside. Ok, and bitch/blogging on the outside. I need a vertigo/nap free day today.

I need apple cider from a real cider mill. Can someone make that happen? Aka, can a Michigan person, go to the mill, buy me a jug of cider, and while your at it, a box of donuts and bring them to me? I mean, why not die of carb overdose for the sake of supporting a Michigan business. Right?

I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but I really want to work out. Dear Baby Nordstrom, maybe I am dying.

Finally, I fired and joined eHarmony in a pain med induced state last week. It’s been intriguing so far. Or it could be the vertigo clouding my judgement. Who knows. At least I’ve not had any truckers with lactation fetishes contact me yet.

And on that note, I say have a great freaking Tuesday. I’m going to go brush my hair and put on a dress. Why? Because I want to.



silver linings

manifestos September 21, 2015

When you are on day four, yes, four of having the world feel like you are still having the spins from a night of Jager and 80’s dancing, you need to find the silver lining, and but quick.

According to multiple apps- the ragweed is super duper high, and thankfully, I’m more allergic to Ragweed than anything else I can possibly be, except for Elm and Cedar. Oh wait, Elm is off the charts too. Magical.

So, my silver lining is that I am fortunate to have a job that I can work from home (and in bed) if need be.

I’m fortunate for my friends Kristie, Amanda and Leslie for keeping an eye on me this weekend. Leslie gets the badass award today, as she came to keep watch while I tried to take a shower without getting sick. The good news is that I was able to take a shower, I’ll spare you the rest of the story.

I’m fortunate for Kristie- her incredible generosity kept me fed and hydrated all weekend. I’m thankful for Amanda who kept an eye on me all day on Saturday.

I’m lucky to have a bat shit crazy dog that has been velcroed to me since I got home on Friday.

I’m fortunate to have a boss that is tolerant of my ear issues.

I’m lucky that I don’t have to drive anywhere today, because the idea of this hot mess of spinning behind the wheel is a bad idea for all people on 30E.

I have to play major catch-up today in between bouts of the world spinning above me, and the floor falling out from under me.

I am thankful for those who have texted, called and checked in.

I am thankful for those who will be tolerant of my slow responses today.

I am thankful to have gotten a shower this morning.

The weirdest part, when i am laying down, or hell, even siting at a recline, I feel almost human. The pressure in my ears has reduced enough that I can say that there is some progress. That being said, having a 6 inch needle blasted through your inner ear really fucks up (pardon my language) any hope for balance for a few days.  It’s just when I try to be mobile for more than 2 minutes, that I feel like a toddler trying to get her legs, and would rather just crawl.

Side note, me crawling isn’t cute. I haven’t had this level of vertigo since December, and I hope it’s another 9 months before I experience it again, if ever.

So, here I am, camped out in bed again, with clean hair, clean clothes, a plethora of juices/waters and teas. If I don’t move too much I can pretend that all is right in the world.

BTW- this is my theme song today: