Browsing Date

June 2015

race

manifestos June 19, 2015

Since the Charleston attack on Wednesday of 9 innocent people by a screwed up young man, I’ve been struggling for the right words to articulate my emotions/thoughts/mindset around what happened.

Simply put, I don’t get it.

I don’t understand how in the year 2015, there are still so many people concerned about the color of skin. I don’t get it.

I don’t understand why this is still a thing.

I don’t understand why people feel that because they have less melanin than others they are better.

I don’t understand how anyone feels that they have a damn right to place judgement on others simply because they are a different color.

I don’t get it.

I don’t understand how we  STILL live in a society where peoples responses/actions are tied to the color of the skin of the person standing across from them.

I don’t understand how this culture is still even remotely acceptable. Ok, so people might say that this is NOT acceptable, but the behavior is still tolerated. I don’t get that.

I don’t understand why people give a SHIT about what color the person is. I don’t understand how in the year 2015 this is still a freaking conversation.

I don’t understand how people can believe that they are better than someone else because of race.

I don’t understand what causes a person to decide to wake up one morning and decide to play judge/jury/and executioner.

I don’t understand why this isn’t being taken more seriously on a national level.

I don’t understand why my Facebook newsfeed was not SLAMMED with conversations about this. This is a tough conversation, but one that needs to be had.

I don’t understand why people are STILL putting their heads in the sand and saying that the racial divide isn’t that big of a deal anymore. It still is a BIG DEAL.

GOOD GOD PEOPLE, wake up, turn off the pseudo reality television shows and turn on the news. Get informed. Get angry. HAVE A CONVERSATION.

Talk to someone about this. Talk to your friends, your children.  Take a stand. Do something.

How long are we going to tolerate this? How long are we going to put our heads down and say “oh, this was a one off event, racism is dead.”

No, racism is well and alive in this country and that grosses me out.

I don’t have an answer. I don’t have a solution. My heart breaks for those 9 families. My heart hurts for the girl in McKinney that was dropped to the ground last week after a cop lost his shit.

Hate is well and alive in this country and that is just heartbreaking.

What causes a person (people)  to be so hateful? Where are we failing in our education system that we aren’t instilling better ability to comprehend and understand that it’s not the color of one skin that makes a person, instead it’s their actions, words and behavior? How are we failing so completely as a community that allows us to tolerate this?

I am a 38 year old white woman who doesn’t understand this. I don’t understand what it must be like to genuinely be afraid to be targeted based on the color of my skin. I can’t put myself in a black womans shoes and try to understand how she feels when she gets pulled over. I can’t put myself in the place of a black man who has to deal with effed up preconceived notions of who they are simply because they have skin a different color than me.

I don’t get why in the year 2015, race is still an issue. My parents raised me to judge a person on their actions, not by the color of their skin.  Not to hate people. Not to think that I am better than anyone. We are all flawed human beings. What makes ANY of us better than the other?

Why are we having more conversations about the size of a pseudo-celebrities ass than the big glaring, festering racial issues that hang over our heads?

I’ll tell you- because it’s hard. It’s uncomfortable. By having the conversation, we are actually acknowledging that this is a problem. This is a problem. This is a HUGE problem.

 

31 Comments

Adult

manifestos June 15, 2015

Occasionally, I remember that I am indeed a grown woman. The moments are mostly few and far between, but occasionally, being adult smacks me in the face and says “WAKE UP WOMAN… GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER.”

Technically, I do have my shit together. I own a house, a car and care for a living creature. We will gloss over the fact that my living creature is a semi-autistic rescued dog who is afraid of everything except squirrels. Instead I will focus on the fact that I typically pay my bills on time (when I remember), have a bit of money tucked away, and am the bossypants at my little company.

In a perfect world, I would live in a magical place where all of the stuff was taken care of and I could just spend my day reading books and floating in a pool. Given that I’ve yet to figure out how to make that particular fantasy happen, I must go about the business of adulting.

I woke up at 5:30 this morning, did about 22 minutes of the crazy Tracy Anderson torture DVD, tossed in the final load of laundry, kicked off the dishwasher and decided to check work emails. STUPID STUPID STUPID. Within seconds, my zen from the work out was replaced with a fury unlike any other. I zipped off a few emails that hopefully someone on this planet will read and tried to take a nice calm shower. This is the point that has me laughing. In my head, an adult would make sure that a.) the shower curtain is placed appropriately so that one does not flood the bathroom, and b.) that you put the soap that YOU JUST BOUGHT YESTERDAY in the shower. Nope, I failed both. I ended up flooding my bathroom floor and almost busted it trying to reach to the sink to grab a box of Dove. Sigh. Please tell me that someone else in this world does dumbass things like this? Am I really that useless?

No, I’m not useless, but I am just so very distracted. My brain is like an overflowing junk drawer these days that I just keep tossing random items in. I’ve been so very distracted the last few days that if one were to see me, that would wonder if I got into a fight- bruises on my hip and butt, cuts on my arms and fingers, a huge knot on my head. I am technically a functioning adult, but clearly need some lessons in grace and walking. My brain is full. My body is paying the price for the ongoing circus in my head. Being an adult is, in my opinion, hard.

I’m distracted because I know that in 9 days I am heading out on vacation. In order not to be a total spaz on said vacation, I need to get ALL of the work done prior to me leaving. Three consulting projects need to be tidied up, regular work needs to get under control and quick (see aboves reference to email of fury), and I need to make a list of all of the things that I need to take on said trip so I don’t spend a stupid amount of money on the road buying mission critical things like underwear and contacts. (Note to self, order contacts this week.) Oh yes, please pay the bills too.

I’m distracted because things are just somewhat busy. I might have taken on too many things this summer, and well, it’s more or less biting me in the butt. Today, I shall power through the mess. Today I shall be the adult that remembers to buy the FREAKING HOSE AND NOZZLE THAT YOU HAVE BEEN TRYING TO BUY SINCE FRIDAY NIGHT. (Distracted brain at it’s finest.) Today I will remember to pay the water bill. Today I will send the consulting update that I should have written yesterday, but instead reading Judy Blumes latest was so much more attractive. Today I will keep my phones charged. Today I will remember to send the bank the tax stuff they asked for. Today I will send out a Katifesto to my council and set them up for success. (As I type this, I remember that I need to take care of an email situation…)

I should also admit that I just came back to this after a 20 minute break in which I was sidelined by my washing machine making the weirdest noise. Again, distracted. Again, adulting is hard.

life gif

Somedays I just want to call my mom and say “please come organize me.” Ugh. Then I remember what that entails. Somedays I just want to crawl in bed for a while and come out to a perfectly ordered life, but again, this is not TV, nor do I have a relationship with a Fairy Godmother (although that would be pretty awesome.)

I wrap this up with hope. Hope that this turns out to be an awesome week. Hope that this turns out to be productive. And as God is my witness, if I don’t remember to go buy the freaking hose and nozzle, I might just run away forever.

Happy Monday to you three people that actually read this and the 5K people a day that come to learn how to clean your oven via Pinterest. Interesting mix people, interesting mix.

Seriously, find something to laugh at today. It makes adulting SO much better.

 

32 Comments

Ponderance

manifestos June 4, 2015

If you would have told me 18 years ago that today I would be sitting in an quiet house in Texas listening to Patti Griffin on repeat, I would have snorted, called you full of crap and grabbed another drink and stared at the one next to me in hidden amazement. Or drunkenness. Your pick.

If you would have told me that at 12:20am on a Thursday night, I’d be reviewing endless log files from an exchange partner looking for a microscopic discrepancy, I would have shook my head and quickly corrected you. I think at that point, I was positive that I was surely poised for greatness in the hotel world.

If you would have told me 18 years ago tonight, that this life, this very life that I’m living today was going to be the life I would lead, I probably would have run screaming the other way.

As most young, dumb things do, I had big ideas. I had plans, I had goals, I had a big ass strategic plan glued together with cheap vodka, marlboro light containers and the beginnings of a crush that would last for a minute (or longer). I was going to do the school thing, get the husband, have three babies by the time I was 30. I was going to have a perfectly lovely home. I had most of it figured out. Or at least, that night, 18 years ago, I did.

Tonight, I sit in this absolutely silent house ( except for Patti Griffin on repeat) . The black dog is passed out cold.  I wound up work a few minutes ago. I did what I could do today for the volunteer thing. My house is perfectly clean . My laundry is folded, hung and organized. My fridge is filled with various foodstuffs, but mostly overrun with wine and mixers.

I used to cook. I used to cook for anyone that would let me slide a plate in front of them. I would host Sunday funday feasts. I would cajole people to come over to my house so I could try out new recipes. I dedicated 6 months of my life perfecting a turkey recipe. I made food like some people write words. It was my muse, my art, my happy. These days, I cook only when absolutely necessary. I stopped hosting brunches a while ago, because it was no longer fun. To type the words that cooking is no longer fun is borderline appalling to me. I literally can’t remember the last time I baked a loaf of bread. Times change. Passions change. Interests change.

(Hit repeat again on Patti Griffin)

20 years ago this weekend I graduated high school. Holy shit, that seems like such a long time ago. Literally a lifetime ago. I would sit in that northern Michigan town and dream about what I was going to do when I got out. Got away from the woods. Never did I imagine that this would be what it is.

18 years ago, I was living on a small island in the middle of nowhere having the time of my life. The people I met that summer changed the course of my life forever.

“This” life isn’t what I expected, nor is it unappreciated. Somewhere along the way, I just deviated far, far far from the plan that I thought was going to be executing.

These days, I live far away from that Northern town. I do NOT have a fabulous career in hotel management, however, I do have a pretty bad ass job, if you squint, cock your head, and take a shot of something boozy. I have a most magnificent circle of humans (and four leggeds) that are with me today (and some of them 18 years ago), and most importantly, this is the life that I chose. It took me a while to understand that this is what it is supposed to be, for now.

I look back at the young girl that had such big ideas. Such sure concepts of how life was going to turn out. I want to just high five her and say “enjoy the ride sister, it ain’t what you are going to expect.”

I think about the kids graduating this weekend and wish them genuinely the best. I hope that the have big plans and I hope that they learn to be flexible.

I hope that they realize that sometimes, despite wanting the perfect picture, life doesn’t quite work out the way that you imagined. That the perfectly planned life is most likely going to deviate and kick you in the ass at some point. That girl 20 years ago is going to see and do things she never imagined and end up in a place that she had no idea she wanted to be. She was just being present and living in the moment. And that is, was and always will be, a good thing. The girl 18 years ago is going to come into her own, grow up and realize that sometimes you just need to look to the future and figure out what is next…

 

 

 

2 Comments