Browsing Date

September 2014

It’s like a scene from a Mel Brooks movie

manifestos September 24, 2014

In which I declare “It’s ALIVE.”

itsalive

It, being me. And alive, rather than the zombie like existance I’ve been dealing with for the better part of ten (10) days, and really feeling craptastical since August.

If you don’t know what Mel Brooks movie in which I speak, I strongly suggest you figure out a way to see “Young Frankenstein.”

Yes, I know I just compared myself to a monster, but in reality, I’ve been laying on my back more than I’ve been upright since I’ve been home from the parentals. I’ve been grunting, groaning, and practicing making weird noises to amuse myself. Ok, I might have been inspired by the scene in When Harry Met Sally when Harry practices moaning. You know, just in case.

I’ve been an admitted hot mess. Work is well, going, and how I’ve been keeping up is rather baffling, but I can thank my flexible job and being able to knock out things at all hours. Luckily I work from home and no one has been the wiser to the fact that I have spent more time in bed than anywhere else.  My friends and family (Amy, I’m looking at you) have been outstanding checking in, making sure that I don’t need anything. It’s hard to explain that from the neck down, I feel fine, but the area on/around my ears makes me want to toss myself off the high-five.

Had doctors appointment #987 this morning. The infection in both ears -canal and middle ear, is finally starting to dissipate, however, the hearing loss isn’t really improving. It’s weird- i feel like things are just muffled. Some sounds, voices, etc, I can hear just fine, but other things, lower in the register, are damn near impossible. Loud noises are the worst, and I’ve kept myself pretty restricted to 1:1 conversations. The next few days are going to be most interesting.

During all of this time in bed, I’ve come to a few realizations:

1.) There is an end to the internet, and I’ve found it. If you want to check it out- go HERE. 

2.) My friend John consistently makes me laugh. Even when he calls me a doltish jackass. Still. After all these years.

3.) Online shopping and very high doses of narcotic grade pain pills isn’t a great combination. At all. I bought a halloween phone cover. Ya, because I really need one of those.

4.) Did you know that you can see the edits that someone makes on Facebook? Yep, you can totally see how OCD some people are in correcting their posts. It’s kinda awesome to see people worry so much about the inclusion, or exclusion of an exclamation point. It’s a good thing that I am a grammatical nightmare. I just let it all roll. Good thing my AP English teacher isn’t on Facebook. Oh wait…

5.) I’ve watched every episode of The Cosby Show since August 25th. Yes, that’s a lot of tv. Yes, I am proud of that factoid.

6.) In less than 13 years, I shall be 50. Still processing that one. If I am going to birth a baby, I’ve got less than 2 years (self imposed deadline) to do so. At this rate, being a barren spinster keeps looking better and better. I don’t think I’ve got time for that.

I’m going to really hope that sleep comes soon. I’ve got a things to do, people to see, pants to purchase!

 

 

 

 

 

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I Blame It All On India

random me September 16, 2014

Yesterday was a day.
It was one of those big, smelly, hateful days that makes you want to run home to mom. Well, if you have a warm fuzzy mom that would give you a hug and say “there, there.” My mom probably doesn’t fall into that category, instead she would say “Suck it up and get back to work.”

suck it up buttercup

 

Seriously though, my Monday got off to a craptastical start at 11:53pm on Sunday night when I received a call from a client in India. I will never know how they got their hands on my phone number, but it woke me up and I was up for hours.

Here is the thing, as I grow older, I NEED sleep. I mean, I need 5 hours. I’m not going to shoot for the moon and try to get 8, that’s just crazy. However, in order to be a less dreadful human, I need about 5. I got less than 3. So, ya. I blame India.

As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve been struggling with an ear infection that just won’t go away. It’s impacted my health, my balance and my ability to fly. It impacted my Monday. I proceeded to struggle with some other issues yesterday morning that were out of my control to fix, yet still had meaning to my morning.

Over the years, I’ve become attracted to working for companies that are start-ups. It’s challenging, exciting, but you can actually make impact if you do it right. Some days are thrilling whereas other days drag you through the mud behind a 4X4 truck. I bet you can guess what kind of day it was yesterday. While I was driving to another meeting (in which I was a total hose beast), I talked to a friend/colleague about the life of a start up. She helped me look at the frustrations and separate the ones I could control (few) and the ones I just had to let play out (many). It actually helped.

I just don’t like days that I don’t feel productive. That’s really what it comes down to in the end. Call me a control freak, but I hate fixing issues that I had suggested were going to be problems before they were issues. It’s the inner child in me that wants to yell “I TOLD YOU SO.”

But I didn’t.

I wanted to, but I didn’t.

Ok, so maybe at one point yesterday, I strongly implied such thoughts, but I’m pretty sure the words didn’t come out that way.

By 6:50pm last night, I unplugged. I made dinner, and watched tv. I chilled the heck out. I didn’t even make my list of things to do today, because I just needed to stop thinking.

I got about 7 hours of sleep last night and it helped.

Here is what I know to be true:

1.) You can provide an opinion, but it doesn’t guarantee that someone is going to take it.

2.) You should not be an asshole and say “i told you so” when you see something failing.

3.) After you have provided an opinion, or guidance and it’s not taken, just step away. Let the chips fall. You can’t control everything.

4.) It’s really ok to say no once in a while. Really. It’s ok.

 

I’m thankful for the friends that listened to me yesterday. I’m grateful for the colleagues that provided sound advice. The best part of the day yesterday? I didn’t unleash the flying monkeys. Sure, I was flying on my broom, but today, it’s back in the closet. I’m playing the role of the Good Witch today. The Wicked Witch is taking a nap.

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if you call…

manifestos September 11, 2014

i will answer.

if you fall, i’ll pick you up.

Oh yes, my favorite lyrics from the boys from Canada, Barenaked Ladies- “Call & Answer.” I’m pretty sure I’ve posted this before, but it’s my favorite BNL song, so there you go.

I’m laying here in bed, waiting for pain meds to kick in. I’m 99.95% sure that as a result of my “chronic middle ear infection”, my eardrum just ruptured about 20 minutes ago. It’s happened before, it sucked, and the pain was the same. So was the blood. So, ya. Super awesome fun times up in here.

I’ve not been in a very verbose mood lately. Correction, I’ve not felt like blogging. I think to myself “oh, I should blog”, but really, my life isn’t very interesting right now. I’m doing my annual football maniacal dance, I’m knee deep in a work project that is aging me daily. I have been on antibiotics a lot. I try to coordinate calendars with people to have wine. What an absolute douche bag thing to say “i coordinate calendars.”  I work, I sleep, I run away from all things technology as often as I can. I try to sneak moments of happy in an otherwise boring existence. I have a serious jones to go fly somewhere north and breathe in some fall air.

Randomly, I found this song tonight- pretty sure I’ve never heard it before, and since it has my name.. I love it. (And they talk about the fact that Katie is waiting.. just because her youth is fading…)

Back to my ramblings…

I’ve been pretty focused on work, my big yellow dog, and well, my need to move more. I’m excited about the weather changes- i feel the need to get my hands dirty and do things in my flower beds. I feel the need to cook, to organize, to nest a bit.

BTW- it’s hard to write a blog post when you’ve taken a fair amount of pain medication, and you find yourself sailing down memory lane listening to music.

Upside? Ear hurts a little less.

Downside? I probably won’t post this.

Goal next week: Make time to post twice. That shouldn’t be hard, right?

 

 

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An Open Letter to Amazon

manifestos September 2, 2014

Dear Amazon,

 amazon

I feel like I should start this letter by giving you a compliment. You’ve made my life easier. I love my Prime account. I love the streaming hours of mindless tv. I love the fact that I can hit “one click order” when I realize that I’m getting low on light-bulbs or batteries.

I love that I can spend hours looking at things I don’t need, want, or should buy. I love the fact that I can order heavy stuff that my lazy self doesn’t want too schlep.

HOWEVER…

I think you need to add a feature. A button. A button that might cause a miniscule drop in revenue, but increase overall client satisfaction.

Here is my feature request:

Please add a button that says “Are you really sure you want to buy this? No, really, are you sure?”

Yes, that’s what I want the button to say. Or the prompt. Or perhaps a breathalyzer.

Example A:

I went on today to look up “cute fall throw blankets.” Because I only have 97. Within 33 seconds, I had ordered this majestic thing of beauty:

Screen Shot 2014-09-01 at 12.29.18 PM

 

Please note the use of “lavish.”

Sigh.

It gets better. I wish I didn’t, but it did.

There may or may not have been wine involved when I bought this gem:

Screen Shot 2014-09-01 at 12.31.34 PM

 

Because I’m such an avid Elk Lover.

This piece of high fashion will arrive on Thursday. Thing is, I know I could return the elk bag, but it’s SO incredibly horrible, that I need it.

 

I need to wear it as a badge. A badge that says to the world “I’m not a hipster. I’m not a hunter. I just drink and order things on Amazon Prime.”

 

So, in conclusion, dear Amazon,

Help a sister out please. Please, dear Jesus, help a sister out.

 

Signed,

 

Filled with anticipation of Elk Bags.

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The Times, They Are A-Changing

manifestos September 1, 2014

Both literally and figuratively.

 

Change-Quotes-17

I welcome the beginning of September with open arms. To me, it signifies the transition from summer to fall, and the end of a somewhat chaotic summer.

Looking back, I had a somewhat shitty summer health wise: sinus infection, upper resp. infection, stomach drama and wrapped it all up with a lovely case of Pink Eye. I’ve been on antibiotics more than not this summer, and that needs to change. I need to figure out a way to find better health. I’m not getting any younger, nor will it be as easy to bounce back from what felt like the longest ick ever. I’ve made some food adjustments that have allowed me to have less stomach issues, now I just need to get on top of managing my allergies so they automatically don’t escalate into another infection.

Also, as of two weeks ago, I find myself in a place of “pre-diabetes.” Holy balls, that pissed me off. In 2006, I was dx’d with T2 Diabetes, and was able to wrestle it under control and ultimately, scooched out of it with a short term round of Byetta, diet and exercise. My doctor isn’t terribly concerned about it, he told me “you know what you need to do.” Yep, I do. Time to make some changes. I had managed to work hard to find a better balance, and over the past year, slipped back into some craptastical habits. I’ve noticed that after eating certain meals, I’ve found myself feeling gross; time to pay attention to the signals and work my way back out of this and into better levels.

Work is exhilarating. We finally launched a week ago, and it’s go-time. It feels good to help design, build and launch something. It’s also rather tiring, but I think the end result will be worth the hermit like life I’ve been existing and the rewards will help me to the next phase.

Speaking of the next phase, I’ve started making some plans for change. Goal #1- getting myself healthy. Goal #2- Work on the health of my financial outlook. I really want to make some bigger changes in the next three years, and frankly, I’m going to be doing all that I can do to make these changes. Life is an evolving process- I’ve identified what I want to be doing, where I want to be, and how I’m going to get there.

What does this mean? You are probably going to see less of me. Less ramblings on social media. More work. I’m going to be taking on additional consulting work to get closer to my goals. Instead of long hours yammering , I’m going to be focusing on my health, and developing a personal life that doesn’t just include me and the four leggeds. Taking risks, jumping into new adventures. Getting to where I want to be.

I’ve witnessed a few people suffering devastating losses over the past month. It was an ultimate wake-up call for me. The only guarantee we have is the minute that we are in. Life changes ever so quickly, and waiting to do something, or putting off something isn’t a guarantee that you are going to be able to do it.  It’s going to be more about the “now” and less about the “later.”

This summer, I purchased a big ass old school planner. My friend Leslie makes fun of it, pointing towards her phone and reminding me that everything can be managed from the cloud. My reality is that if I don’t write something down, it’s not real for me. I like to be able to jot down notes, cross things off, feel the pen hit the paper. That is my reality. My days are filling up – with work, with volunteer, with personal events. I love it. I choose what I want to do, accept the invitations that make me happy and decline sometimes to get much needed sleep.

I’m older, and more selfish with my time, and I’m ok with that. I like some of the changes that I’ve made, and I look forward to making more in this upcoming fall season.

Today, is a “me” day- I’m cleaning, decorating my house for fall, most likely going to take a nap, and putter in my garden. I yearn for less noise, and more music. I look forward to less gossip and more action. I have some healthy meals planned for the week, and a road trip on Saturday morning.

I look forward to the changes that are ahead of me.

 

 

 

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