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Second Verse, Same As The First

random me February 2, 2016

I sit on my back patio on this chilly morning, thinking that my life is a little like Ground Hog Day- the movie, not the actual made up holiday.

amazon-boxes

monday, january something, 2015. (amazon part two)

rants January 4, 2016

No, make that 2016.

January 4th?

I don’t even know what day it is/was/going to be.

Here is what I do know to be true. I, Kate Elizabeth, Ruler of the Craptastical Kingdom, hereby declare myself BANNED from Amazon Prime One Click Shopping.

I did it again. And again, and Again. I’ve done it before, and ended up with a super luxurious faux fur blanket (read about it here) , and welp, I need to compose myself before I list what I purchased in the past 10 days.

Note to all: Pain pills, a dash of alcohol and mind-numbing boredom from Das Boot end up in a stack of items from the ‘Zon unlike any other.

Therefore, by the grace of my debit card, for the betterment of my checking account, and/or credit score, I have detached one click shopping from my phone(s), laptop(s), iPad, tablet, and tv. NO MORE. FOR THE LOVE. NO MORE.

I just looked at my Amazon orders for 2015- 95 orders. 95. WHAT THE BLOODY HELL did I need 95 orders worth of things?

Oh yes. Let me tell you.

I ordered Step Brothers. The digital download.

I ordered black denim jeggings. Please judge me.

I ordered 12 cans of green beans.

I used Amazon Prime now to deliver a box of gold fish crackers and diet coke, because I am a lazy ho.

I ordered a 12 inch snowman glitter ornament. Two nights ago.

I ordered leopard print treat bags.

I ordered 45 packs of post it notes.

PEOPLE- these are the high/low lights. I don’t even know.  A floral potty training bell?

I love Amazon so, because it enables me to buy crap I didn’t know I needed and without leaving the house. When they start wine/booze delivery, I’m 110% hosed.

 

amazon-boxes

amazon

 

ps. my foot hurts

pss. i need to get out of the boot and working out, otherwise, I’m going to fulfill the prophecy that is this post

 

I Resolve To

Resolve

manifestos January 1, 2016

I resolve to be more present in life, and put down the mother effing phone more.

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The Oven That Needed Cleaning

craft me, pinterest successes November 19, 2013

Go forth and clean your oven. Your turkey will thank you.

summer songs

random me June 20, 2016

Holy hell, it’s the first day of summer. Bit of a let down really, as here in Texas, it’s felt like summer for about 10 days, including the sweating, sun and feeling like you are going to melt after being outside for more than a few hours, but it is the first day of summer whether I like it or not!

So what happens on Solstice? Longest day of the year, lightest day of the year and the happy midpoint.

In an effort to celebrate solstice, let me suggest a little playlist. I know it’s not 100% complete, but it’s the first thing that came to my mind this morning before I consumed vast quantities of caffeine.

What is your favorite song about summer?

 

 

 

 

 

stuff & nonsense

manifestos June 2, 2016

If I do die, please someone take care of the dogs, and please write a good obit that references my love for leopard print, charitable acts of snark, and my quest for the perfect slice of apple pie. oh and the fact that i am a barren spinster. please & thank you.

diamond starbursts and/or sparkling halls

manifestos May 28, 2016

warning… this post is being crafted AFTER taking a rather large cocktail of all of the drugs that I’ve been tasked to take, so bear with… ok?

So, it’s Saturday night, 9 days after having my face jackhammered. I’m feeling  better, but still not quite where I feel like I should be. Everyone, including the nurse, the doctor and my friends keep reminding me

bucket of summer…

random me May 27, 2016

Earlier this week, I posted my Summer Bucket List on Facebook, and I decided to properly post it up here so I can actually document the completion of doing these items. And of course, I’ve added a few more:

a funny thing happened to me before I blogged this…

random me May 27, 2016

8 days ago i had a few surgeries to repair my jacked up sinus/nose and hopefully future ear issues.

quickly, for over 2 years, i’ve had chronic sinusitis, that has become antibiotic resistant, developing into double ear infections that have caused bilateral hearing loss.

whew.

mouthful of bullshit.

I still feel like ass. This morning I had the stents out and a checkup. I’m healing well, I guess. My face feels like someone beat it the hell up.

I just want to sleep, and sleep I will

But really, it’s been a long few years and I really, really really hope this works.

 

#truestory about jeans

random me April 17, 2016

The following is a #truestory about my dumb self and jeans.

I started my day at 4:30 this morning. Had things to do, people to see, work to dominate.

Woke up, got out of bed, grabbed some clothes out of my closet and headed into the shower.

I specifically remember thinking “damn, these jeans aren’t comfortable” but truthfully, I didn’t really think much about it. In fact, I thought to myself “get your ass to the gym tomorrow, you heifer.”

Went to the Shelter, helped make some breakfast.

Got home, sat down in my office and started working.

Throughout the day, I kept looking down at my legs that resembled denim sausages and in between bites of whatever random food I was eating, kept thinking “jaysus, i’m fat.”

ALL DAY LONG, I sat in jeans that were making my waist weep.

Note: I don’t have a lot of jeans. I have about 5 pairs, of various washes, sizes, and whatever, and truthfully, I rarely wear them because I’m not really a jeans girl. Or maybe I just hate the way my ass looks in jeans. Whatever.

ANYWAYS… Flash forward to 7:10pm. I get off the phone with John, yet again, lamenting about the tight jeans and the special food I ate today (pb&j and ruffles for the win) and I decide it’s time to get comfy.

I peel (literally) peel off these jeans and look at the size. And I started laughing.

I shit you not, I’ve been wearing a pair of jeans that are at LEAST two sizes too small FOR 15 HOURS TODAY.

There happens to be a style of jean at old navy that I love. Not mom jeans, not hoochie jeans, and they typically fit me in the waist and are LONG. I have these magical jeans in about 3 sizes. In a sleep fog this morning, I pulled out the SMALLEST pair I own, and struggled into them.

In my defense, I do dry my jeans, so it’s not crazy that for the first hour they are more fitted than normal, but COME ON.

 

Who wears jeans that are 2 sizes too small all day long, while sitting at a desk?

 

I do.

#truestory